Leeeny's Mien

Baa Baa Red Sheep

2010-02-16T12:52:00.008-05:00

Do I need to tell you whose Olympic skates these are? I thought not.

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you, that is indeed a SHEEP painted on the back of the right blade. "Ovechkin" means "little sheep". Seriously. (Think of the sheepy root word, ovine.) Tell me that that face doesn't look like this one:

I've been calling him The 8pe, but I may have to rethink that, and do a little more fooling around in Photoshop. Although when you think about it, it's the brainless baa-ing flock of red-rockin' Ovie-munchers who are the sheep.

Rinkotology: Olympic Fantasy Hockey, And Icons

2010-02-16T02:03:00.017-05:00

Last night I finally lost my fantasy-sports virginity. It was time.

Rinkotology. Better move fast, because rosters are nailed down at 3PM eastern today (Tuesday 2/16/10). They don't change during the Olympics, so once you've finalized your picks, that's it, you just watch the standings and see how things go. Very nice and simple and well-designed website, once you get past the show-us-the-money-first $10 signup fee. The site certificate from the credit processor wasn't verifying properly when I signed up, but one of the site's owners told me they were aware of the situation and it was not an actual security issue. Okay, I'll take his word on it.

So, how does it work? Basically, you're filling out a 12-man roster. 8 forwards, 3 defensemen, 1 goalie. Here's the rub: you can only choose one player per country. There are 12 teams in the tournament, thus you pick one player from each participating nation. There's a point-scoring system, multipliers for captains and alternates, and several tie-breakers. It's pretty well thought out.

Want Crosby? No Brodeur. Want Malkin? No Ovechkin. And who the hell do you pick from Latvia? It's a lot harder than you might think to nail all 12 slots down and be happy with the picks. Feels like doing a 9th-grade algebra problem solving 12 simultaneous equations, when you only know maybe 4 of them well, another 4 a little bit, and the last 4 you don't have the foggiest clue. But the entry cost is pretty low, the amusement value should be high, and it will definitely liven up the Olympic Hockey Spectatin' for the next two weeks.

Oh yes: cash prices for the top five finishers. Winner gets $500 and a custom-engraved championship belt. And an unbelievable amount of prestige over at The Pensblog.

The only thing I noticed that they forgot to take care of in their somewhat hurried rollout was the shortcut icon ("favicon") for the website. So, having some time on my hands last evening, I made them one. If you're playing Rinko yourself and want the icon for your browser bookmark, here you go.

Windows ICO (includes 16x16 and 32x32 pixel sizes, transparent background):
16x16 pixel PNG (transparent background)

32x32 pixel PNG (ditto)

You're welcome.

Hungry For Borscht

2010-02-12T23:51:00.087-05:00

An annoying loss tonight in OT to the Rangers, 3-2. I wanted TWO points, boys, not ONE. This is no way to run a railroad. It's like the last week of school when the teacher has the nerve to give a test, and nobody wants to PAY ATTENTION. Hey, you have WORK to do here still, before you can go on vacation. Sharpen your pencils and buckle down, dammit!

I'm guessing that Vladi and Natalia Malkin will be in Vancouver to see their boy play for РОССИЯ. I'm still having Big Taste Dilemmas over the whole hockey thing. Wanting Geno and Noodles to do well, but not wanting the Gra8pe to come away from Vancouver with anything but a souvenir lapel pin. Not wanting to root against Free Candy (oh go look it up, geez, do I have to do all your work for you?) and the Yoo-Ess-Of-Ay, but also wanting Sidney to take the Olympic puck and run with it right to the tippy-top of the medal podium, so that all the Crosby Suxers will have to STFU from now until forever and ever. (Dream on, Leeeny. Sid could get a personal gold medal from God Almighty Himself and that wouldn't shut those douchebags up.) What to do, what to do.

So as I try not to overlook the Pens-Predators game on Sunday, and while I wait for Tuesday when the men's hockey and all the curling begins (oh I think you'll see a Curling Post or three before we reach the end of the month, just a guess). . . what I REALLY want to know is, will Мать и Отец Малкина be coming to the Burgh after the Olympics are over? PLEASE COME VISIT YOUR OTHER STEEL CITY HOMETOWN! Your son could use some of Dad's Words Of Wisdom and Mama's TLC, and heaven knows hot soup is always welcome, especially with the weather we've been having.

Changing the subject: How did I miss this song last year, when I was posting all sorts of music for the football and hockey playoffs? What a maroon. Well, here it is now, better late than never, as a shout-out to Natalia. We miss you, we love you, we love your boy too, and we want you back on our TV screens as soon as possible.

Pens Win, Caps Lose, Vintage Whine Flows

2010-02-10T23:51:00.121-05:00

Life can be good, even in the middle of an unending, paralyzing blizzard.

Pens beat the Isles, 3-1 at the appropriately-named Igloo. Empty Netters gameblog for the details. Two points earned. Philly beat the Devils although it took OT to do it, so the Great Satans get a point. That's a +1 net for us. NJ now has 75, we have 74. They have one less GP. They have the Preds and Canes before the break, we have the Rags and Preds.

Habs let the Caps come back to tie 5-5 at the very end of regulation (nearly a rerun of our Sunday game, minus the 4.5-hour overnight ~~dogsled~~ bus ride), but then Tomas Plekanec prevented the need for a shootout, scoring with 7.5 seconds remaining in the OT. The Caps' winning streak is thereby stopped at 14, three games short of the Pens' still-NHL-best-ever 17-game streak in 92-93.

After the loss in Montreal, copious amounts of Vintage Red Whine flowed in the snowbound streets of the nation's capital. (Alcohol has a lower freezing point than water. I'm just reminding you.) Here's some from a real premier-cru whinery. The fumes will make you woozy, but this rockin' sommelier has two varietals of gripe whine rouge to pour for us tonight. The first bottle, its cork dessicated and its bouquet long gone to vinegar, concerns a missed offsides call, offered with many many diagrammatic photos. Jay's Telestrator, it ain't. Then please cleanse your palates with a nice OTL Whine Cracker, as the Reserve ~~Cry~~ Cru comes to the table:

(That GhostWalker, he's so the bomb. Don't skip this video! You won't be sorry.)

Wowzer, that's some mighty fine whine! Don't forget, because Teddy said it was so, that the Capitals have arrived! Savor it. Enjoy it. Roll it around on your tongue. Suck some air in to release the volatile esters, the sublime flavor of everything it means to be a Red Rocker, a Capital.

Snow Jobbing Washington

2010-02-09T10:18:00.002-05:00

But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?

So what made me finally decide to pop out of my Pennsylvania hidey-hole, à la Punxsutawney Phil? (ref. the previous post, and the posting gap prior to that)

This picture did. It's from the Snowpocalypse Now Pens-Caps game in DC over the past weekend. Which I'm not going to start in on, except to ask:

What the hell is going on here with the Red Rocker in the seats behind Staalsy and Cooke? The man is halfway to China with that index finger. Is this what Washington means when they say they're plowing a lot of snow? Click on the image to see a larger version, if your stomach can take it.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Despite Jordan's lovely first goal which was the occasion for the tumult behind the net, this is COMPLETELY DISTURBING. But hold your gorge and don't miss the two baguettes to the clamdigger's right (that's your left), with the oh-so-original and oh-so-over crib poster. Don't all you fellas just wanna bang those hotties right now because they're so goddamn FUNNY?

Screw these gasbag red people, the Cupless Capitools. Go raise another banner at the Verizon Center, you jokes.

Not Dead Yet, 2010

2010-02-09T09:10:00.014-05:00

Ummm, I've been busy.

Well, that, plus the general motivational dilemma when the blogger (me) spends way more time typing than the total number of readers (you) spends reading. I had some fun and some eyeball action last year with the Super Bowl run-up, but things fell out a little differently this time.

Back to the present: I'm going to lose my Haloscan (now Echo) commenting setup at the beginning of March unless I pay them, so I am mulling over whether to move the whole blog and start over with a new layout for 2010. (Yes, I know the template stinks in IE. I just dislike IE too much to do anything about it.) Or should I go back to Blogger's comments, and stay put. Or pay Echo. Or bag the whole business. I've always been able to say "My blogging is a nearly-complete waste of time, but at least it's free, and it's 100% optional". But when you can read The Pensblog and Empty Netters and Puck Huffers and the Pens' website, what the hell do you need to come here for? I can occasionally throw some amusing snark, but there's nothing compellingly original here. I'm in an existential blog crisis, because unlike 98% of the rest of the blogosphere, I don't see the point of typing only to myself. I don't have any answers. Look through my archives and tell me whether this is worthwhile to continue.

Chris Benson's Penguins Stanley Cup Tribute Video

2009-07-13T14:31:00.008-04:00

Video wizard Chris has finished re-working his playoff tribute video, to include The Cup.

My only quibble is the obtrusiveness of the 'Benstonium' logo. I know it's useful to tag one's creations against misattribution or swipery, but geez, why not make it blinky neon orange and put it right in the middle of the picture, while you're at it? I've hated these things ever since they first started showing up on television, and their increasing size, animation and un-ignorability really annoys me. Sorry to peeve at you Chris, but other than that the video is perfect.

(a few minutes later)... Okay, to remedy my own gripe a little: I've increased the display size of the video, from Chris's default setting of 320x240 pixels, up to 480x360. Luckily his source file is a nice high-quality .mp4, so it can take being blown up. The logo image doesn't scale up with the screen, so it's now smaller relative to the screen. Here's a screen-cap of the default size, so you can see what I'm yammering about. It would be better if the logo was semi-transparent like the ones you see on TV (watermark style), but at least this is an improvement.

Disco Still Sucks

2009-07-12T16:54:00.004-04:00

Thirty years ago today, this happened.

Also, unrelated to the video: I've skipped posting a lot of noteworthy and/or funny stuff in the last week or two. It's hard to keep spending the time that frequent posting requires, when there just aren't many eyeballs here. I wish it were otherwise, but my SiteMeter reports don't let me delude myself. Especially in the summer when I have lots of other things to do that are far more constructive than typing. So please understand, it's not that I don't enjoy doing this, it's just that most of the time it feels like the tree falling in the forest with nobody here to hear it.

Penguins FA Followups: Scuderi Leaves, Fedotenko Stays

2009-07-03T16:08:00.000-04:00

I didn't post yesterday, because I was absorbing my disappointment over the loss of Rob Scuderi to the LA Kings. Scuderi agreed to a four-year deal worth an average of $3.4 million per year. The Penguins are thought to have offered a five year deal at a $2 million annual average, though the club doesn't release nor confirm this sort of detail.

I expected Scuds to leave, and I don't blame him for doing so, but it's still a bummer. He was such a crucial part of our success. We're really going to miss him. A lot.

But some good news today: Ruslan Fedotenko has been re-signed to a one-year contract, at $1.8 mil. That sure looks like a discount to me. So the Tank stays in town, and Geno keeps his linemate, just as Sid keeps Guerin. Shero sure knows his Care And Feeding Of Two-Headed Monsters.

I'm guessing that what we have left under our 09-10 cap will go for a defenseman to replace Gill, if Ray can come up with one. Rob Rossi (the Trib's beat reporter) tweets that we've now got $2.957 million remaining.

And here's a great Q&A with Shero covering all of the latest goings-on, just posted at the Penguins' website.

NHL Free Agent Frenzy Day

2009-07-01T17:43:00.001-04:00

I'm listening to a TSN feed at usstream.tv, as they track the free agent signings on the first day of the NHL signing season. Seems appropriate to listen to Canadians today, since it's Canada Day, their version of July 4th. Here's what stands out to me as the afternoon progresses (I'm updating this post as things occur).

Pens defenseman Hal Gill signs with Montreal: 2 years, $4.5 mil total. His loss was expected. Bye bye, big guy.
Poor chooser Marian Hossa has gone from the no-ring-Red-Wings to the Blackhawks, a deal worth north of $62 mil OVER TWELVE YEARS. He'll be 42 when this contract is up. What the hell are they smoking in Chicago? And it's less per year than he turned down with the Penguins a year ago. Chuckle.
Defenseman Mike Knuble goes from Philly to Washington, 2 years totalling $5.8 mil. He seemed to be the most attractive alternative if we lost Rob Scuderi, so this might have at least an indirect impact on how things go between Shero and Scuds. The TSN guys think that the Pens have encouraged Rob to go out and see what his market value is, then to come back and try to work out a deal. I hope they're right.
No word on anything involving free-agent Pens winger Ruslan Fedotenko. I'd be pretty surprised if he comes back.
Nikolai Khabibulin (owner of one of my favorite goalie nicknames, "The Bulin Wall") goes from Chicago to Edmondton. Four years, $3.75 mil/yr.
The Pens sign NJ Devils forward Mike Rupp, 2 years @ $825K per. I don't know anything about this guy, nor the rationale behind the signing. The newspaper guys will have some analysis soon.

Twitterumors abound that we're trying hard to keep Scuderi by matching whatever anyone else offers, reputedly in the $1.8-$2.25 mil/yr for 2-3 years. I really need to see how things play out here, because I want him back.

Well, at least this beats listening to PIrate Fans vent their spleens over yet another further different player-dump, not to be confused with the previous player-dump, or last year's player-dump. While we're digressing, please let me indulge in a moment of self-defense: I am absolutely still a Pirate fan. I have been since I was a kid, and that won't ever change. What I am most definitely NOT is a supporter of the current management/ownership of the team. If this was spousal abuse, I'd be in the shelter with a restraining order. If this was the British Parliament, I'd be a member of the Loyal Opposition. The Nuttings have long ago seen the last of my money, which is the only possible way to vote No Confidence in these incompetent bastards.

City Of Champions Videos, Two Flavors

2009-07-01T08:32:00.003-04:00

The first of these two videos is longer, but it has for its soundtrack a rather overblown power ballad (aren't they all?) by the big-hair metal band Jaded Heart, which features a lead singer who sounds like Bryan Adams after a bender. The second video is a shorter version containing fewer clips, but the soundtrack is a more palatable tune - a recycled 9/11 tribute - by Oleander.

I defy any Yinzer watching either one of these not to get all choked up!

Longer version:

Shorter version:

Not-Stupid Bat Tricks

2009-07-01T07:20:00.004-04:00

I've got a ton of videos to post today, and some other stuff too, but this has to top the list. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Josh Womack, from the independent Golden League's Long Beach Armada:

And an encore performance too:

Physics, and practice. Pretty freaking impressive.

Put Billy Mays On The Wall At Primanti's

2009-07-01T02:34:00.011-04:00

Two deejays at KISS96 radio in the Burgh are spearheading an online petition to get Billy Mays's likeness added to the Wall Of Legends at the Primanti's restaurant in the Strip District. (Where the fries and coleslaw come inside the sandwiches, not alongside.) He'd join such Yinzer luminaries as Mister Rogers, Andy Warhol, and Myron Cope.

I say let's waive the five-year waiting rule, like Cooperstown did when Clemente died. Well, okay, I don't think Primanti's actually has a five-year waiting rule, but if this petition helps them decide to put Billy on the wall right away, then go for it. The deejays want 5000 signatures. As of late Tuesday night, I was #405, so go on over to

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/get-billy-mays-added-to-the-primanti-brothers-wall

and add your name. Then take a minute to blog or tweet or wall-post or share the link, to pass the word around to anyone who reads your feed. Or just link back here to this post, that will work too. I can always use eyeballs. Right-click here on [Permanent Link], or on the Permalink button below, to copy the URL. Alternatively, I've just added handy-dandy little Tweet and Share buttons to the bottom of each of my posts, so if you're on Twitter or one of the other social-networking sites (Facebook, Digg, etc), you have no excuse.

Guerin-Teed For $2 Million

2009-06-30T10:30:00.008-04:00

It was too late to post this last night when I read it.

Pittsburgh Penguins Agree to Terms with Bill Guerin on One-Year Contract

Jun 29, 2009, 8:00 PM EDT

The Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins have agreed to terms with right wing Bill Guerin on a one-year contract, it was announced tonight by Executive Vice President and General Manager Ray Shero.

Guerin, 38, was scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent on July 1.

A veteran of 17 NHL seasons, Guerin played a major role in the Penguins’ Stanley Cup run, contributing seven goals and 15 points in 24 playoff games and providing exceptional leadership on and off the ice.

The 6-2, 220-pound native of Worcester, MA was acquired from the New York Islanders at the March 4 trading deadline in exchange for a third-round draft pick and immediately was installed as the right wing on Sidney Crosby’s line. He recorded five goals and 12 points in 17 regular season games with the Penguins.

Overall in 2008-09, Guerin had 21 goals and 48 points in 78 regular-season games with the Penguins and Islanders.

“We are excited to agree to terms with Billy on this one-year deal,” Shero said. “He made a tremendous impact on this team with his scoring ability, physical play and outstanding leadership and was a key factor in our drive to the Cup. I know our players, coaches and fans will be happy to have him back in Pittsburgh.”

Guerin has played 1,185 career NHL games with New Jersey, Edmonton, Boston, Dallas, St. Louis, San Jose, the Islanders and the Penguins, recording 408 goals, 403 assists, 811 points and 1,585 penalty minutes. He represented the U.S. in the Olympics in 1998, 2002 and 2006.

The other signing yesterday was equally good news: Craig Adams for two years, reportedly $1.1 million total. Ray Shero, you are a credit to your job title. Sidney and I wanna buy you a beer.

Now we wait to see whether Scuderi, Gill, and/or Fedotenko like what they will see in free agency (which starts tomorrow), or whether we can get them back and re-signed inside of our remaining cap allowance. As Rob Rossi does the math, we have 17 players signed for next season, with a commitment of $51,218,000. The salary cap figure is $56,800,000, which leaves only $5,582,000 to work with. It won't be easy. I'd settle for one out of the three, and two would be beyond expectation. My order of preference: Scuds, then Tank, then Hal. But if anyone can do the nigh-on-impossible, Ray Shero's your man.

The Best Billy Mays Pitch

2009-06-28T16:26:00.010-04:00

This has to be my all-time favorite, and it isn't even for a household cleaning product. The first time I saw the little sports balls traveling down the cat5 wire, I nearly peed myself. The multiple levels of satire going on in this spot are just phenomenal, not the least of which is Billy's cheerful willingness to parody his own persona. Gotta love whoever made this for ESPN360.com.

Here are links directly to the four ESPN360.com spots he did (all that are on YouTube, at least), each of them funny as hell.

ESPN360.com - Office (the one posted directly above, my favorite)
ESPN360.com - Intro (ALMOST as good)
ESPN360.com - On The Run (sick)
ESPN360.com - College

I'd give these people awards just for all the times the word "CRICKET" appears in the list of sports. Sooo droll.

I'm going to have to some cataloguing of Billy videos, and post more links. I gotta say, I think Billy's death has made me more upset than Michael Jackson's. MJ was clearly a troubled (albeit talented) freak from another planet... but Billy was One Of My Peeps.

Another 50-Year-Old Bites The Dust

2009-06-28T14:43:00.020-04:00

This is starting to get extremely creepy.

Billy Mays, OxiClean pitchman, found dead

(CNN) -- Infomercial pitchman Billy Mays died at his Tampa, Florida, home Sunday morning, authorities told CNN. The 50-year-old known for his shouting OxiClean ads was pronounced dead at 7:45 a.m. The Hillsborough County medical examiner will perform an autopsy, Tampa police Lt. Brian Dugan said.

Mays was on the US Airways flight from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Tampa on Saturday that had a hard landing at Tampa International Airport when the plane's front tire blew out. There were no reported injuries on Flight 1241, US Airways told CNN. According to a local Tampa TV station, Mays said: "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head." Airline spokesman Jim Olson told CNN Sunday there were no reported passenger injuries from flight 1241. The airline vowed to "cooperate fully" with authorities in the investigation.

"We were very sad to learn of Billy Mays' passing and our thoughts and prayers go out to his family," Olson said. Tampa officials say the Medical Examiner's Office expects to complete an autopsy by Monday afternoon. In a statement, Deborah Mays said that although "Billy lived a public life," the family does not plan immediate public statements about his death.

Mays was a spokesman for Orange Glo and detergent OxiClean and appeared in commercials for other products. He is featured on the reality TV show "Pitchmen" on the Discovery Channel, which follows pitch people in their jobs. "It is with incredible sadness that we have to report that Billy Mays died in his sleep last night," said a statement from the Discovery Channel. "Everyone that knows him was aware of his larger-than-life personality, generosity and warmth. Billy was a pioneer in his field and helped many people fulfill their dreams. He will be greatly missed as a loyal and compassionate friend. Our deepest sympathies go out to his family at this time of incredible loss."

Billy was (like Michael Jackson) another contemporary of mine, a few months older but in the same school year. A fellow Yinzer. Sto-Rox HS, Class of 1977. One of the best things about listening to his commercials was how clearly his Burgh accent came through, loud and clear. Here's his Wikipedia biography, and here's a profile done last fall by the New York Times. RIP, Billy - cable television will never be the same without you.

And now you'll have to excuse me, while I go crawl under the bed for the next few days, to avoid the supernatural scrutiny of guys with scythes.

Two Obituaries

2009-06-25T22:39:00.005-04:00

A song about a rat, from a movie about the rat, sung by a young boy who grew up to have a very ...complicated... life. Which is now over, prematurely. We were the same age.

The other death today was a different flavor of pop-culture icon. Can't say that I was a fan, but she endured a very unpleasant mortal illness (anal cancer), voluntarily in the public eye, with incredible dignity.

Stanley Cup Champs: Very Spiffy Drawing

2009-06-23T10:39:00.007-04:00

Jimmy Shearer is a multi-talented individual. He could get a job doing caricatures at Kennywood, if he ever wanted to punt his VH1 gig and come back home to the Burgh. Look what he just sent around in email:

Can you name 'em all?

Yanni Sends His Congrats

2009-06-22T11:50:00.004-04:00

Quoted from ThePensBlog: "Yanni is the Max Talbot of Crappy New Age Music."

I predict that this video will come out at every Pens-Caps game from now until Eternity.

Cities Of Champions

2009-06-17T17:43:00.004-04:00

I found a list of the cities that have had multiple-major-sport championships over the last few generations. We're the only one who has done it more than once within my lifetime. Pretty nice.

2009: Pittsburgh — Steelers, Penguins
2004: Boston — Red Sox, Patriots
1988: Los Angeles — Dodgers, Lakers
1979: Pittsburgh — Steelers, Pirates
1969: New York — Jets, Mets
1956: New York — Yankees, Giants (NFL)
1952: Detroit — Lions, Red Wings
1938: New York — Yankees, Giants (NFL)
1935: Detroit — Tigers, Lions
1933: New York — Giants (MLB), Rangers
1928: New York — Yankees, Rangers

Show This To Your Kids

2009-06-17T17:23:00.003-04:00

The monkeyboys are going to see this one for sure. It's by Randy Bish at the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, a right-wing-nut-job newspaper that I normally don't touch with a barge pole (even though it has good Pens coverage).

Maxime And My Almost BMW

2009-06-15T18:07:00.004-04:00

If Max had gotten a hat trick, a fellow poster on the game-day thread at letsgopens.com was going to buy me a BMW. Really, he was. Read it for yourself. I had witnesses.

Towards the end of the game, marek asked me if I was hoping that Max would get the empty-netter. Yes, I replied, I certainly was. I even had the model picked out (535i xDrive sedan). Oh well.

Stanley Cup Champion Penguins: Gallery

2009-06-13T11:28:00.003-04:00

I don't know how many photos I'll end up posting, but here's one of my faves so far. Sid's got the Cup, and the only red in the shot is the CARPET. Sweeeeet.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

2009-06-12T22:38:00.002-04:00

(that's the way speechlessness looks in type)

I will write later, like tomorrow maybe, when my heart rate has returned to something approaching normal. I am SO HAPPY! FOR ALL OF US!

SCF Game 7: No More Tomorrows

2009-06-12T12:52:00.018-04:00

LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!

LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!
LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!
LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!

It has all boiled down to a final 60 minutes, starting a little after 8PM tonight when the puck drops at Joe Louis.

As you can see below from my lack of posting between Game 1 and now, I've had some trouble keeping up with the blog in the last week and a half. Partly because of the mood-swings induced by the games themselves, but also due to some real-life priorities that kept me away from the computer. But after I recover from tonight's outcome, I'll do a little retroactive back-filling, so that my Blog Of Record doesn't have a gaping hole in the finals. And there will be lots to add as Post-Game Summations, no matter what happens.

I am anxious only in that I hate having to play the game in that gawdawful arena up there (I wonder if there will be as many empty seats as before - those people ought to be ashamed of themselves), but otherwise I have complete faith in our boys to Accomplish The Goal. If we'd have lost game 6 at home on Tuesday (re-running 2008), that's the one that would have hurt. Now, tonight, we can really, really, do this.

I'm even missing my monkeyboys' final little-league ballgame in order to be home to watch the hockey game. The monkeys understand completely, and I think they'd rather be here watching too, but they don't have the option. I'll be recording the game for them.

And what is on the dinner menu tonight at Casa Leeeny? Need you ask? Click on Mama to go to the recipe.

Actually I used this recipe instead, since the Post-Gazette finally did their homework and obtained Mrs. Malkin's actual recipe and posted it. Which was a full week after I did my version (I had to fake it since I didn't have any inside sources at the Penguins). My recipe takes longer to prepare, so I went with Natalia's tonight since I'm pressed for time. If it's good enough for Geno, it's good enough for me.

Also: Chris Benson has just made a nice little pre-game motivational 'commercial' ... as if you need anything else to get you psyched up. He says he took the photos from Game 5 of last year's finals (the triple-OT game).

LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!
LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!
LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!
LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!! LET'S GO PENS !!!

Yinz Luv Da Guins: Attitude Adjustment

2009-05-31T18:38:00.003-04:00

If you're still feeling bad about last night, try the latest episode of Jimmy's Little No-Budget Web Show. It'll get you thinking straight in time for 8:00's faceoff.

SCF Game 1 Final Score: Wings 3, Pens 1

2009-05-31T12:44:00.007-04:00

It's going to be tough for me to blog these finals in any sort of real time. I can hardly stand to watch them live — frequently I have to turn the sound off. (What happened to Eddie Olczyk in Pittsburgh to make him hate the Penguins so much? How long can you carry that much of a grudge after getting fired for doing a lousy job? And NBC hires this man to cover Penguin games?) And sometimes I just have to walk away from the television, and watch later off the tape. (It was like this last year too, although I wasn't blogging about it.) Times like these I am reminded of why I have traditionally been more of a baseball fan: it's way easier on your nerves. Especially if you're a Pirates fan, where watching their games is usually better than 10 milligrams of Ambien.

I'm certainly not happy after last night's loss, but I'm not in panic mode, either.

So here's all the stuff I'd put up if I were doing a big post-game post. Seth gets paid for his time, so just go on over to Empty Netters and read it there. Here's his in-game report (he was at JLA for the game). Sometimes I think I should just quit doing this, and post a daily link to Seth's blog instead. But then I'd get bored.

So we've all had a night's sleep, and get back at 'em tonight. As much as everyone (at least everyone in Detroit) has whined and moaned about opening with two back-to-back games, this is one area where baseball has an advantage: after a loss, you don't have much time to dwell on it. Put it behind you, do better the next night. And if it hurts the gimpy geezers in the red shirts to play hard two night in a row, well, tough noogies.

This Detroit team reminds me of nothing so much as the Soviet Olympic teams I watched every four years when I was growing up. Old, cold, impersonal, mercenary, machine-like. The Borg of hockey. Red jerseys, too.

Stanley Cup Finals Game 1: It Begins, Again

2009-05-30T13:12:00.006-04:00

Time to turn the tables, boys. Sidney, you know what to do.

They Call Me Geno

2009-05-29T11:37:00.008-04:00

Here's the latest entry in WDVE's "Evgeni Malkin's Diary", from Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann's morning show.

Evgeni Malkin's Diary (Name Song - Stanley Cup Finals edition)

They've been updating the song for every stage of the playoffs. The one they did for the Capitals series was used as the audio for this slideshow by someone over at YouTube:

All of the "Evgeni Malkin's Diary" entries for this past season (going back to the opening games in Sweden), as well as lots more Pens stuff, and even more non-Pens stuff too, are archived at WDVE's AM Show podcast library. Warning: you'll spend all day there, listening to files. This stuff is funny.

Good Shirt: MalkinMania

2009-05-29T11:34:00.001-04:00

available for $13.00 each ("Free Shippings!") at www.imscore71.com

Jim Shearer (VH1 jockey, creator/host of Yinz Luv Da 'Guins, and fellow Shaler Titan I might add) appears to have an exclusive on this one. Go over to YouTube and post a comment on this video, or write him an email, and add your voice to the cry of the Yinzers who want one of these for themselves. The cartoon drawing is taken from this picture, by the way.

Mama Malkin's Lucky Soup

2009-05-28T19:32:00.004-04:00

"I love Russian food, and my mom cooks Russian food. It's helped me. My favorite food is beef, and before every game I have soup."

-- Evgeni Malkin 5/21/09

Hot Beef Borscht with Sour Cream

serves 10

BEEF STOCK INGREDIENTS:

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 pounds beef short ribs, cut into 3- to 4-inch pieces
1 large onion, sliced
3 1/2 quarts water
2 celery stalks, chopped
1 carrot, coarsely chopped
12 whole black peppercorns
2 bay leaves
2 whole cloves

BORSCHT INGREDIENTS:

10 medium beets (about 2 inches in diameter), rinsed, tops trimmed
1 cup water
3 cups (about) canned beef broth
2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter
1 cup diced carrots
1 cup chopped onions
6 cups thinly sliced green cabbage (about 1/2 small head)
4 teaspoons minced garlic
1 large russet potato, peeled, diced
2 tablespoons (or more) red wine vinegar
Sour cream and chopped green onions, for garnish

TO PREPARE BEEF STOCK:

Heat vegetable oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add half of beef ribs and sauté until brown on all sides, about 8 minutes. Transfer to plate. Repeat with remaining ribs; transfer to plate. Add sliced onion to pot. Sauté until golden, about 10 minutes. Return ribs and any juices to pot. Add 3 1/2 quarts water and remaining stock ingredients. Bring to boil, skimming any foam from surface. Reduce heat and simmer until ribs are very tender, skimming foam occasionally, about 2 1/2 hours.

Using tongs, transfer ribs to plate. Strain stock into large bowl. Chill stock until fat solidifies on top, at least 3 hours. Remove meat from bones; cut away excess fat. Shred meat finely. (Stock can be made 1 day ahead. Cover meat and chill. Keep stock chilled.)

TO PREPARE BORSCHT:

Preheat oven to 375°F. Arrange beets in single layer in 13x9x2-inch baking dish; add 1 cup water. Cover; bake beets until tender when pierced with knife, about 1 hour. Cool beets. Peel and cut into 1/3-inch dice.

Remove fat from surface of stock. Add enough canned beef broth to stock to measure 10 cups.

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in heavy large pot over medium-low heat. Add diced carrots and chopped onions and sauté 10 minutes. Add cabbage and garlic and sauté 5 minutes. Add 10 cups beef stock, beets, potato and 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar. Simmer until cabbage and potato are tender, about 20 minutes. Add shredded meat; simmer 5 minutes. Season with additional red wine vinegar, salt and pepper.

Ladle borscht into bowls. Top each with dollop of sour cream and a sprinkling of chopped green onions, and serve.

Наслаждайтесь этим в хорошем здоровье!

A Tale Of Two (Steel) Cities

2009-05-28T18:46:00.002-04:00

This is goose-bump material. Convincing evidence that the Hockey Gods are clearly at work. (Cue the Twilight Zone theme.) I already knew bits and pieces of this story, but here it is all pulled nicely together by Robert Dvorchak at the Post-Gazette. The article dates from late April, but I'm in a very Geno mood today. (It must have been the borscht.) For once I'm even posting the entire article instead of just snippets, so that you don't have to go jumping around. Since it has been up at the P-G for a month already, I'll assume that nobody who sees it here now will mind enough to bust me over it.

Those Russians Cheering No. 71 Are Mom, Dad

Monday, April 27, 2009
by Robert Dvorchak
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Imagine a man who provides for his wife and family by working in a gritty, sprawling steel and iron works along a river. He passes along his love of sports to his son. The son embraces working-class values and excels to the point that he plays professionally for a team called the Steelers, and one day captures the fancy of the city of Pittsburgh.

This tale is not set in a mill town of Southwestern Pennsylvania, but in the Ural Mountains of the Chelyabinsk Oblast region of Russia. It's not a work of fiction by Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky, but it's the real story of hockey prodigy Evgeni Malkin of the Penguins.

Fans appreciate Evgeni Malkin for winning the National Hockey League scoring title this year and earning consideration as the league's most valuable player, plus for being the leading scorer in the Stanley Cup playoffs as the Penguins eliminated the Philadelphia Flyers Saturday and moved on to round two.

But to have legions of the citizenry, including a healthy portion of the female population, walking around with Malkin's name and number on their jerseys -- plus on their banners and posters -- takes some getting used to for a couple visiting the city to cheer on their son.

"I never in my life thought that so many people would be wearing No. 71 or getting their faces painted. I never thought I would see that," Natalia Malkin said before a recent playoff game at Mellon Arena.

Natalia and Vladimir Malkin have been swept along in their son's stardom. When they come to towns for games, the cameras find them and flash their pictures on the arena scoreboard. Fans migrate to their section and take their snapshots.

"Everybody must like us. We have our pictures taken so much," Mrs. Malkin said, laughing.

If sports has a way of making the world a smaller place, consider the story of a hockey player who could be called The Iron City Kid in two cities. One place is on the far side of what used to be the Iron Curtain, and people in his adopted hometown, while no longer a steel center, drink a local beer called Iron City.

The Malkins hail from Magnitogorsk, which roughly means Iron City. It's named for Magnitnaya Mountain, which was almost pure iron ore until it was mined out to feed steelmaking. The city is the home of the Magnitogorsk Iron and Steel Works, which came into existence along with the city in 1929 under a five-year plan of Josef Stalin.

During World War II, the steel for half of the T-34 battle tanks that turned back the German army was made in Magnitogorsk. At the same time, Pittsburgh became known as the Arsenal of Democracy for churning out the armor and shells that defeated the Germans on the Western Front.

Just about everybody in Magnitogorsk, which has a population of about 420,000, either works in steel production or an industry that supports it. That includes Vladimir Malkin, a machine inspector at the factory.

The Malkins don't speak English and most Pittsburghers don't speak Russian, which sets up something of a Berlitz Wall. But George Birman, an employee of the Penguins, translated during a recent interview.

Driven by a love of sport, the elder Mr. Malkin skated as a defenseman for the city's hockey team before he served a mandatory stint in the Red Army. Over time, he passed along the fundamentals of skating and hockey to his son.

"I put Evgeni on skates when he was 3 years old," he recalled. "Those skates are completely different from what kids wear today. The blades were much longer, and the boot was rougher in workmanship." Mr. Malkin sees a connection between the lessons learned on those rudimentary skates and how graceful and forceful his son is in professional hockey.

"I think he's such a good skater because of that," his father said. "If I knew he would one day play in the National Hockey League and do what he's doing, I definitely would have saved them."

Those who evaluate hockey talent in Russia -- and later scouts from all over the world -- saw greatness in the angular teen. In addition to representing his country on the international stage, Evgeni -- known by his Pittsburgh-given nickname of Geno -- was a mainstay on his hometown's professional hockey team. He played for the Magnitogorsk Metallurg, which translates into the Magnitogorsk Steelers.

After being drafted by the Penguins, and after clearing up a tangle by jumping from his home team to come to the United States three seasons ago, Geno has become one of the world's elite players.

He beat out countryman Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals to win the NHL scoring title this season. And he combines with Sidney Crosby, himself a scoring champion and MVP, to give the Penguins two of the very best players in the world.

It is no coincidence that the Penguins had never defeated the Flyers in a playoff series until last year. But led by a core of young talent, the Penguins accepted handshakes from the Flyers on home ice last season and were on the receiving end of congratulations on Saturday on Philadelphia ice, which is one of the most hostile environments for a visiting team.

The Malkins, however, don't get swept away by all the adulation. In fact, it makes them a bit uncomfortable when so much attention is directed at their son.

"I raised my son not as a star but as a regular person. For me, he's the same as everybody else," Vladimir Malkin said. "People come up to us and tell us how great he is. I don't like to hear all of that. I want him to be himself."

The Malkins are elated that their son, who recently bought a home in this area, landed in Pittsburgh.

"It's one of the great cities we've been to," Mrs. Malkin said. "It's so pretty, and everybody is friendly and helpful. The fans are amazing. I've never seen anything like this in my life."

Magnitogorsk is 10 time zones ahead of Pittsburgh, so a game that would start at 7 p.m. at Mellon Arena would begin at 5 a.m. there.

"When we watched from home, we'd get up at 4 in the morning to make sure we saw the games when they were on TV," Vladimir Malkin said. "Now that the Penguins are in the playoffs, they are watching as much as they can back home. The entire city is behind him."

Magnitogorsk Metallurg played some big games in the Continental Hockey League, and the Russian national teams are fierce competitors on the international stage.

But there is something special about the NHL playoffs.

"We have been to games in the regular season, but it's a completely different time right now. Nothing compares to what's going on right now," Vladimir Malkin said. "Of course, we are very excited and very happy for Evgeni. Hopefully, he can continue doing the same things deeper into the playoffs."

Stanley Cup Finals Schedule: Penguins vs Red Wings

2009-05-27T22:47:00.030-04:00

This appears to be bankable, finally. I hope the situation improves next year so that we don't have to have our championship held hostage by an indecisive and reluctant television network.


 vs

Game 1    Sat. 5/30   Det    8PM          NBC, CBC, RDS
Game 2    Sun. 5/31   Det    8PM          NBC, CBC, RDS
Game 3    Tue. 6/2    Pgh    8PM          VS,  CBC, RDS
Game 4    Thu. 6/4    Pgh    8PM          VS,  CBC, RDS
Game 5*   Sat. 6/6    Det    8PM          NBC, CBC, RDS
Game 6*   Tue. 6/9    Pgh    8PM          NBC, CBC, RDS
Game 7*   Fri. 6/12   Det    8PM          NBC, CBC, RDS

*if necessary
all times Eastern

Game 2 was either going to be at 7 PM or 8 PM, depending on whether or not the NBA series between the Lakers and the Nuggets went far enough to cause an overlap. Since a seventh game in LA was not necessary (the Lakers took the series on Fri. 5/29), Game 2 from Detroit will start at 8 PM Eastern, just like all the others. (Confirmation here.)

NBC will not allow the Pens to put up the outdoor screen for games they broadcast. Versus has been allowing it up till now, so if past history holds true, the only games where you will be able to watch from outside the Igloo are Games 3 and 4, which are home games. Sounds like a bit of a parking mess. If I hear anything that changes this, I'll edit this paragraph.

Teams that the Red Wings have beaten to win their most recent Stanley Cups:

96/97 - Philadelphia Flyers
97/98 - Washington Capitals
01/02 - Carolina Hurricanes
07/08 - Pittsburgh Penguins

Substitute Them for Us in the above list, and you have this year's chronological run of our opposing teams through the postseason. Portentous, or Pointless? We report, you decide.

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

2009-05-27T22:18:00.004-04:00

Now it's official. Rematch City, bay-bee.

This was put out by the Post-Gazette a year ago, when the Pens were about to face off against the Redwings, in Detroit, for Game One of the Stanley Cup Finals.

Expect a different outcome this year.

Sidney Crosby Derangement Syndrome

2009-05-27T17:55:00.009-04:00

Captain Sid handles the new hardware

Todd Fleming, at The Bleacher Report, has a clue:

Sidney Crosby Derangement Syndrome: Despising Greatness

by Todd Fleming 5/26/09

They call him “Cindy.” They call him a “crybaby” and a “diver.” They call him every name in the book. They shout obscenities at him not fit for print.

All the while, Sidney Crosby continues to be the greatest player in hockey. A one-man highlight machine on both ends of the ice.

No player in the NHL generates the kind of animosity that Sidney Crosby incites. Fans in nearly every NHL city except Pittsburgh love to hate him. The irony is the fans that hate him the most would likely be his biggest fans if he played for their team.

The more obvious symptoms of Sidney Crosby Derangement Syndrome (SCDS) are the name-calling and delusional statements that you see on Washington, Philadelphia, and New York fan message boards.

SCDS reaches its fevered pitch during the Stanley Cup Playoffs each year as Crosby torches team after team. The more subtle form of SCDS is the unwillingness of many to acknowledge Sidney Crosby as one of the greatest in the game or even of his own team. There are constant calls for Crosby to prove himself...as if leading his team to back-to-back Stanley Cup Finals while frequently looking like a man among boys isn’t enough.
And it extends beyond the fans. He also doesn’t get the respect he deserves from of his peers. In a recent Sports Illustrated survey that asked 324 NHL players who the best player in hockey was, Crosby tied for eighth place with a whopping 1.9 percent of the vote. Three members of the Detroit Red Wings finished ahead of Crosby, as did teammate Evgeni Malkin, who received seven percent of the votes. While I’m a huge fan of Geno and can understand why some would favor him, the fact that he got more than three times as many votes is absurd. When he is at the top of his game, it could at least be argued that he is a more talented player. But it does not happen nearly enough for him to be placed ahead of Sid.

Quite simply, nobody in hockey is as consistently great as Crosby. He never takes a second off, bringing his fire and fierce work ethic to every shift. Nor does anyone work as hard to excel in every facet of the game—from grinding it out in the defensive zone to winning face-offs to setting up teammates with picture-perfect passes. Every second he spends on the ice becomes must-see television during the playoffs. He is that good.

So, what generates the lack of respect and visceral hatred heaped on Crosby? What causes Flyers and Capitals fans to foam at the mouth and start twitching at the mere mention of his name?

One reason is that greatness will always be hated by some.

Tom Brady is one of the best quarterbacks ever to play the game, but plenty of NFL fans rabidly hate him. What did he do to generate that hate? He has been consistently great...that’s it. All the rest of the reasons given are just background noise to justify the hatred.

The same is true of Sidney Crosby.

He helped send the Flyers packing in the playoffs in back-to-back seasons while knocking out Washington’s own superstar this year. While plenty of fans of those teams respect what Crosby does on the ice, they hate him for it. Others let their SCDS get the best of them, and they refuse to even acknowledge that Crosby is a good hockey player.

But that is only one reason, and it isn’t the main reason for SCDS.

(article continues at link)

There's so much on the Internets today about the win, the sweep, the celebration, the finals. It's all great. I doubt you need my help to find any of it. I'm taking the rest of today off, and will watch the Wings and Hawks tonight to see what's up with our opponent, and with the scheduling for Game 1 of the Finals. Once there's a nailed-down schedule, I'll re-post it to update or verify my previous finals-schedule post.

Cowher Power, Debunked

2009-05-26T23:05:00.009-04:00

Bill may as well rent a dinghy and go fishing with Fredo, because he's dead to me now. I'm done talking about this guy.

Ladies And Gentlemen...

2009-05-26T22:00:00.005-04:00

Penguins 4
Hurricanes 1

Penguins win the Eastern Conference Championship, 4 games to 0

Game 4: Benedict Bill

2009-05-26T16:24:00.015-04:00

We knew it was going to happen, but somewhere in the back of our minds we held out hope against hope that the man would realize what a horrible, smelly, permanently nest-fouling mistake he would be making, and just stay home and watch Versus tonight. Even Stan was on the record with this opinion.

But alas. From WTAE's website:

Pens Prep For Game 4; Cowher To Sound Hurricanes' Siren

posted 3:28pm EDT 5/25/09
updated 2:31pm EDT 5/26/09

RALEIGH, N.C. -- The Penguins could win the right to play for the Stanley Cup tonight, but first, former Steelers coach Bill Cowher will do his best to fire their opponents up.

Cowher, now a Raleigh resident, will sound the Carolina Hurricanes' pregame "warning siren" at the RBC Center before Game 4 of the Eastern Conference finals at 7:30 p.m. The Penguins have a commanding 3-0 lead in the best-of-seven series.

"Benedict Cowher" T-shirts were being sold Tuesday at Yinzers on Penn Avenue in the Strip District.

(article continues at link)

Here's Channel 4's man-on-the-street Sheldon Ingram, talking to local Pens fans and even to Cowher's brother Dale. I'm trying to snag the video to embed it on this page, but for the moment you'll have to go to WTAE's site to view it (click on the image below).

It's sad, really — the man is simply in a gloomy wood, astray.

Here's another local-news video on Turncoat Bill, from a Raleigh station's perspective this time. I can't snag this one either. I wish these outfits would post garden-variety .flv files like everyone else does.

If anyone can cop a photo of one of those tee shirts from the Strip, please leave a comment with a URL if you upload it somewhere, okay? I need a picture of that shirt.

...added after the game... Here it is, featured on another television-news video. WPXI did their own post-game story that also chronicled the whole sorry business. Even The Bus went on record, finger-wagging and tisk-tisking his old boss for doing wrong. Click on the pic to go to WPXI's site to see the video.

I'll be hanged if I can figure out how to snag the videos from these television news-station pages. Nothing in my bag-o-video-tricks wants to work. If you can do it, or can point me to a tool that will, please leave a comment, thanks! I hate to be outfoxed by these things.

Game 4: The Longest Day

2009-05-26T16:07:00.004-04:00

I just had to crib this shot from ThePensBlog. Iwo Jima, too funny. Is it 7:30 yet?

By the way, did you know that RBC stands for Royal Bank of Canada? What the h*ll is up with that?

Game 4: It's A Great Day For A Polka

2009-05-26T14:03:00.006-04:00

A classic from the archives.

Here's the audio track.

It's A Great Day For Hockey (Polka) - Energy

Just as good is this Steelers classic polka, too. Let's Polka!

Pens-Canes Game 4: FEMA Alert

2009-05-26T11:30:00.010-04:00

If you can't make out the text in the image below, click anywhere on it to display it at full size outside of the blog, at Flickr. And just in case it isn't clear: IT'S A PARODY. Please don't go humor-impaired on me, I'm not trying to offend anyone. It has been a long three days' wait for Game 4!

Inspiration came from this page. Just funnin', folks.

Red Army Hockey In Pittsburgh

2009-05-25T15:30:00.013-04:00

Then:

Russian (Soviet) hockey back in the day, assuming the day was in 1976. Goaltender Vladislav Tretiak, Captain Boris Mikhailov, Alexander Yakushev, Yuri Liapkin, Igor Romishevski, Viasheslav Starshinov. The Cold War era CCCP teams were the evil Imperial Storm Troopers of Olympic hockey when I was growing up. (Until Lake Placid, at least.)

Now:

Ruslan Fedotenko and Evgeni Malkin. Руслан Федотенко and Евгений Малкин. Feds and Geno. The Tank and The Machine. They may be Reds, but they bleed Black and Gold. In this photo they're celebrating Tank's goal in Saturday's Game 3 in Raleigh. So, too, are some of the many happy Pens fans in attendance at RBC. (Who is that lamer in the Braves cap? I've heard of Jersey Fouls, but this has to be a double-major Hat Foul. Seth, can I get a ruling?)

Here are a couple of reverse-angle shots of the same post-goal celebration:

As related by CBCsports.ca:

In Saturday's Game 3, Malkin set up Pittsburgh’s fourth goal for Fedotenko at 11:29 of the third period by giving him a between-the-legs drop pass. Once he got the puck, Fedotenko put it over Carolina goalie Cam Ward’s glove.

And while Malkin has some pretty good hockey sense, it wasn’t instincts that let him know Fedotenko was behind him.

“I knew he was open and I knew he was behind me, and I passed because he talked to me,” Malkin said.

Not that anyone around them necessarily was aware of what was going on.

“We both speak Russian,” Malkin said.

Fedotenko’s message, according to Malkin: “Right here, free, free.”

Watch it for yourself. It starts at 1:16 on the video.

And speaking of speaking Russian: after the game Geno put in an appearance at the press podium, which doesn't happen very often. He brought along Sergei (Sarge) Gonchar — yet another Russian Penguin (well, Ukranian, to be precise) — to help with the translating. At 5:02 on the following video, a Russian reporter asks Geno something in the Mother Tongue, to which he replies in Russian, "In Russian? Thank God," and then proceeds to answer for himself.

So just what was it that was being discussed? This might be my biggest journalistic scoop of the entire postseason. According to a Czech fellow on YouTube who thought he understood enough Russian to figure it out, most of it was typical hockey talk, then the last bit at the end went something like this (paraphrasing from his paraphrasing):

Russian reporter: "Евгений Влади́мирович, did your exceptional performance tonight have anything to do with the fact that you've been eating your mother's good Russian home cooking?"

Евгений Влади́мирович: "All Russian women cook good."

I told you it was the borscht. As soon as we get this series over with, I'm posting a recipe.

Stanley Cup Finals: NBC-NHL Scheduling Debacle

2009-05-24T23:57:00.007-04:00

If you got to this post via a search on Google, please bounce to my newer updated Stanley Cup Finals schedule post located here instead. It has just been revised to include the start time for Game 2. The information in this older post has become obsolete, but Google is still linking to this one rather than the more recent one. Or click on the banner to go directly to the homepage, and then scroll down a few posts to find the schedule that way (posted Wed. 5/27). Thanks!

Up till now I haven't posted any schedules for the Stanley Cup Finals, partly so as not to jinx anything (it ain't Oprah till it's Oprah), but also because it has been a major-league goose-chase to locate anything that even approaches an official announcement of the game dates. There were two sets of schedules: the first had game 1 beginning on Friday May 29th, but required that both conference final serieses be swept. Chicago knocked that idea out of the box by taking game 3 from Detroit. (We, on the other hand, appear highly likely to do the deed. I'm just saying.) So the second scenario would seem to be the winner by default. But it is a ridiculous, ludicrous, horrible arrangement. NBC is calling all the shots since Bettman wants over-the-air broadcasts, not just cable. And NBC isn't exactly prioritizing things to suit the best interests of the NHL, its players, or its fans. In this Plan B scenario, game 1 isn't to start until the end of NEXT WEEK – Friday June 5th. The first two games are on consecutive nights, and a seven-game series wouldn't be over until June 16th. It's Conan O'Brien's fault. Or maybe there's a Yanni concert at Radio City Music Hall.

But whoa Nelly, hold your horses. I just found this update at ESPN.com, posted less than two hours ago as I type this.

NHL may bump up Cup finals start date
By E. J. Hradek
Updated: May 24, 2009, 10:36 PM ET

According to multiple sources, if the Pittsburgh Penguins and Detroit Red Wings can wrap up their respective Conference final series by Wednesday night, the Stanley Cup finals likely would start on Saturday, May 30 in Detroit. In this scenario, Game 2 would be played on Sunday, May 31.

This is a change from a May 22 press release from the league that indicated that the championship series would begin on Friday, June 5, if both Conference final series didn't end in four-game sweeps.

The Penguins can close out their series with a victory over the Hurricanes in Raleigh on Tuesday night. The defending champion Red Wings, meanwhile, have positioned themselves to advance with a win over the Blackhawks on Wednesday in Detroit.

For the past several days, the league has been working behind the scenes with NBC, which has limited prime time real estate to devote to the Cup finals due to important "sweeps" week programming and the Tonight Show re-launch with new host Conan O'Brien.

The possible change would spare the league an embarrassing, television-created, eight-day hiatus and the competitive nature of the playoffs wouldn't be compromised by an unusually long layoff for both clubs.

So with that taken into account, here's what I believe to be the most likely schedule for the finals. All times are Eastern. I think. Unless they aren't. The last column is who has home ice (duh).


1.   Sat 5/30   8PM    NBC      West
2.   Sun 5/31   8PM    NBC      West
3.   Tue 6/2    8PM    Versus   East
4.   Thu 6/4    8PM    Versus   East
5.*  Sat 6/6    8PM    NBC      West
6.*  Tue 6/9    8PM    NBC      East
7.*  Fri 6/12   8PM    NBC      West

*if necessary

HOWEVER — and I'm not sure about this so don't bet the farm — if either the Pens or the Wings lose their next games (Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, respectively), I guess we're back to the original second "late start" scenario.


1.   Fri 6/5    8PM    NBC      West
2.   Sat 6/6    8PM    NBC      West
3.   Mon 6/8    8PM    Versus   East
4.   Wed 6/10   8PM    Versus   East
5.*  Fri 6/12   8PM    NBC      West
6.*  Sun 6/14   5PM    NBC      East   <--note earlier time 
7.*  Tue 6/16   8PM    NBC      West

*if necessary

But who the hell really knows! Not me!

Game 3 Final Score: Pens 6, Canes 2

2009-05-23T21:12:00.021-04:00

Highlights of the highlights:

▪ Goal 4 was a beautiful drop pass from Malkin to Fedotenko. It starts at 6:34 on the video. I'm going to write it up as its own post, which I'll link to here after it has been posted.

▪ Goal 5 was an empty-netter by Craig Adams, sent all the way into the net from a faceoff at our own blue-line. (At 7:50 on the video, then watch our bench, laughing.)

Poor, poor Beavis.

Put a fork in 'em, they're done. Read this, or this, or this, or especially this.

Game Four is Tuesday night, 7:30pm. Bring your brooms.*

Haiku Of Coming Attractions:

Pens-Canes E C F
Game Four, with Pens up three-zip
We say: Crank This, Bill

* Yes, I realize I am being optimistic. Hello, did you watch the last three games? I'll go out on a limb. But just as it's possible that we clean their clocks and nail the sweep, it's also possible that they could salvage a few tattered shreds of dignity in front of their home fans by pulling off an upset. It isn't likely, but it could happen. But so what if they do? We'll just come home and take them in game 5 at the Igloo, in front of our own people. Big Whoop.

Pens-Canes Game 3: Second Intermission

2009-05-23T20:35:00.004-04:00

Lots of shots. Go look them up on the team's live blog, I'm not doing stats right now. We have lots more than they do, is all I'm saying. (Okay, I looked them up. 31-16 through two periods.) Skating back and forth, which probably favors us, the younger and less tired team. The ice appears to be in poor condition, for what that's worth.

Carolina is playing tight, and their D looks way bad. The team and the crowd are both appear very demoralized. The sideline announcer babe Chris Simpson talked to Joe Corvo immediately after the period ended, and in his eyes was the look of a deer facing headlights.

We finished the period with another very strong shift, just didn't get any into the net this time. Score after 2 periods: still 3-1, Pens.

Pens-Canes Game 3: First Intermission

2009-05-23T20:23:00.004-04:00

Cullen scores first for Carolina. Malkin ties it up. Teams skate back and forth. One minute left in period, Crosby scores. Then a few seconds later, Malkin gets his second. Score after 1 period: 3-1, Pens.

Red shirts in crowd are dumb, silent. Black shirts in crowd (enough to make some noise) are happy happy.

There is nobody can play with us when 87 and 71 are both on their game. And oh boy are they ever.

Pens-Canes Game 3: Sports Soup To Nuts

2009-05-23T19:15:00.003-04:00

It's 7:15 pm and stupid freaking VS is showing some travesty of a snark-the-funny-highlights show called Sports Soup. WHERE IS MY HOCKEY PREGAME SHOW, DAMMIT??

It's times like these when I wish I lived in Canada. Except that I would want the Pens to live there too.

Hurry... up... seven... thirty...

And for some reason my Recent Posts don't seem to be displaying properly on the sidebar. Sorry about that, blame the server. They will return eventually. Use the archives if you have to navigate back beyond this page.

Sid The Little Kid

2009-05-23T09:45:00.007-04:00

What were you doing in January 2002? Our Sidney was all of 14. While waiting for his voice to change, he was already burning up the Maritimes with his incredible scoring ability. I was saving this video for later, but what the heck, it's too good to squirrel away. Good karma for Game Three tonight.

Snagging from the video and doing some Photoshop voodoo, here's the closest I can come to a Baby Sid picture. Aww, how can those Sid-bashers hate this cutie? They should all be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Even the little Habs jersey is sweet.

The Devil Made Him Do It

2009-05-23T05:47:00.001-04:00

Miroslav Satan. I'd call him the Comeback Kid, except he ain't no kid, he's 34 years old. Been around the block more than a few times. 14-year NHL career, mainly with Buffalo, more recently the Islanders. Signed by Ray Shero last summer to a $3.5 million, 1-year deal. Didn't perform well in the regular season, sent down to Wilkes Barre-Scranton at the trade deadline to make cap room for Bill Guerin. Over 700 career points, and back to the bus leagues. Brutal. To his eternal credit, he sucked it up and went, no ego, no whining. By all accounts was a tremendous asset there, played a great role for the kids. Earned his way back up for the playoffs.

Conference Finals vs. Carolina. Game Two. Pens up 7-4, 1:19 left in the game. Canes very frustrated, very chippy.

Miroslav Satan, who never gets into fights. Fighting. And winning! Even the television announcer can't believe his eyes.

Satan fights back, gains lots of respect
by Ron Cook, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette — 5/23/09

(excerpts)
The Penguins had their 7-4 win all but wrapped up in the final two minutes when Carolina forward Ryan Bayda received a match penalty for elbowing and then cross-checking defenseman Kris Letang in the mouth. The predictable chaos followed. The next thing anyone knew, Satan was firing punches at Eaves as if he were Mike Tyson.

It hardly would have been more shocking if Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin had resorted to such pugilism.

"I didn't do it so much for the team. I did it more for myself," Satan said yesterday. "[Eaves] took a free punch at me. I felt I didn't have a choice."
When told that he scored some seriously big points inside the locker room, Satan seemed almost embarrassed. "I'm just glad they're all getting to know me a little bit," he said, quietly.

What the Penguins have learned about Satan is that he's no quitter. He had every reason to bail on the team and head home to Slovakia when he was sent to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton to clear salary-cap room for newly acquired winger Bill Guerin. But he didn't. The Penguins are thrilled that he didn't.
"I signed with this team to be in the playoffs. And here I am, in the playoffs."

So I made this for Miro. How could I not? (click on the image to see it full-size in another window or tab)

If you don't get the movie reference, check out http://www.dragmetohell.net. In theaters May 29th. And just in case you're new at this: in Topolcany, Slovakia, it's pronounced shuh-TAN.

Malkin's Game 2 Hat Trick

2009-05-22T15:12:00.015-04:00

Even a day later, that third goal still drops my jaw in amazement. Here's some more Internet goodness about the win, and Geno's incredible night last night.

• Excerpted from the Stanley Cup Playoffs blog on ESPN's website:

The secret to Malkin's success? Mom's homemade soup and beef

Thursday, May 21, 2009
by Scott Burnside

PITTSBURGH -- The secret to Evgeni Malkin's success is out. Soup and beef.

"My parents are superstars now," Malkin said after scoring the first playoff hat trick of his career in Pittsburgh's 7-4 win over Carolina on Thursday night. "They've helped me in everything. My mom now before game is great cooker. I feel good now.

"I love Russian food, and my mom cooks Russian food. It's helped me. My favorite food is beef, and before every game I have soup."

Mama Malkin, I want your recipe. Are we talking borscht here? Mmmm, I love that stuff.

Mom cooks for Geno
Waves towels and cheers with Dad too
Hat trick for their boy

• And this excerpt, from Cam Cole of the Toronto Sun:

The hat-trick goal was out of this world: a call-shot. Not quite a Babe Ruth gesture to the outfield bleachers, but an offensive-zone faceoff where Malkin told his teammates he was going forward with the puck off the draw.
He fired it past Canes’ Matt Cullen, picked it up on the end boards, circled the net and whipped an unstoppable backhand in the few inches Carolina goalie Cam Ward had left open over his blocker.
Hats littered the Mellon Arena ice, Malkin surpassed Sidney Crosby as the playoffs’ scoring leader, and the NHL had yet another performance for the ages by a young star on which to hang a marketing campaign.
“That faceoff play is called the Geno for a reason,” said Pens coach Dan Bylsma. “He pushed through, went and got it himself, and after that, it’s just all him — he takes it to the net, spins on his backhand, and there’s not a lot of room where he put it.
“There’s not many players in the world can make that play. Two of them are on our team.” (Leeeny has to pinch herself when she reads that.)

• A quote from Geno himself, via the Philadelphia Examiner, of all places:

“Maybe its just one game. I am trying to play every game hard and smart. I try better every game.”

• How about this little animated-gif version of the "Geno play" goal. Right-click on it, select 'Save Image As...', and put it wherever you want on your hard drive. Enjoy it forever.

• All this, and I haven't even addressed Miro Satan's fight last night! That was epic all by itself. I'm still putting that post together, since I have some time to work with before Saturday night's Game 3 in Raleigh. And just to let you know what's in my mind for later, I've got big plans for a pre-game-4 post if we take game 3 and threaten the sweep. But first let's see how Saturday goes. The overachieving Canes have already come back in their previous rounds when they were down 3-2 and 3-1, so you can't completely count them out. But I'm not worried about playing in their building — I think we might be pleasantly surprised by the Pens-fan presence there. Carolina is a very tired team and is starting to show it, and I think that they may finally be getting their overdue come-uppance in this series. The Pens are playing right now like nothing on Planet Earth is going to stop them short of their goal.

Game 2 Final Score: Pens 7, Canes 4

2009-05-21T22:55:00.005-04:00

Carolina Hurricanes? Meet Hurricane Evgeni. Hat Trick City for the Pride of Magnitogorsk, including one of the most sickestly beautiful goals I have ever seen in my life. Watch, and boggle.

You'll have to go find the game recaps for yourself. Don't whine, you know where they are. Pens are now up two games to zip as we head to Raleigh for game three on Saturday night. Either we sweep 'em in four, or we come back home and finish it at the Igloo. Sweet either way.

Canes-Pens Game 2: White Aht

2009-05-21T11:05:00.006-04:00

Fans at the Igloo tonight will get white towels to wave, and white tee shirts with this design on the front:

Time to rally the troops...

Burghability: Yinzers On A Caach

2009-05-20T22:26:00.009-04:00

These videos are funny enough to give you an aneurysm. And I mean that in a good way.

Burghability: The Power Of 3's

Burghability: The Playoff Beards

Burghability: The Russian Spy

Lots more pants-wettingly hysterical stuff, in a variety of Burgh flavors, is at Benstonium.com. Chris Benson created these things. From what I've been able to learn, he's a 24-year-old Pitt student from Carnegie. As far as I am concerned, he is the Sidney Crosby of short, smart, stunning videos.

I'm saving Chris's Pens Playoffs Tribute video for a later post, hoping that he will have the opportunity to add more to it before it's time to shave off all those playoff beards. But if you want to see it now in its current form (through the first two rounds), hop on over here for a look.

A Great Hockey Song. Really.

2009-05-20T02:25:00.007-04:00

Whenever I hear this great Pogues song, my brain conjures up a certain bunch of stuff. The hot flush of first love (not necessarily my own). The warm bite of Irish whiskey, the cold sting of winter air, a frisson of lust, and some slightly sappy but feel-good hockey, comparable to the 1980 U.S. Olympic semifinal — all rolled into one big emotional snowball. An odd mix? Try it yourself, and see what you get.

If you've ever seen the film "Mystery, Alaska" and listened all the way through to the end credits, then you know why I feel this way about this song. This movie was blurbed as "The Rocky of Hockey" when it was released in 1999, and that's an appropriate tagline. But it didn't win any Oscars. Roger Ebert was not effusive with praise. The plot is somewhere on the wrong side of plausible. But go along with it anyway. Try not to be critical of lame skating — they're actors after all, and editing can't fix everything. Do we taunt Superstar Max for his lame BMW-ad performances? (Well, er, never mind about that one.) And suspend your disbelief when your eyes remind you that those other guys on the ice are NOT the New York Rangers. (They're not even pretending to be. The actual Rangers declined to participate in the film, even by proxy. Jagoffs.) While the movie's overall concept may be short-handed, its execution isn't — the writing, directing, cast, performances, and wit all score big on the power play. Go on, put it into your Netflix queue. It's even streamable over there now, until the end of May. Post a comment if you liked it. Or even if you didn't. But isn't the song great either way?

Here are a couple of small stills from the film.

And yes, that's Russell Crowe in front of the net in the brown jersey. BONUS!

Yinz Luv Yinz Luv Da Guins

2009-05-19T18:50:00.004-04:00

I know I do.

Best Playoff Beard In Pittsburgh

2009-05-19T17:28:00.014-04:00

This little dude rocks. His name is Anthony Williams, and he's helping to raise money for the Mario Lemieux Foundation by participating in the Penguins' Beard-A-Thon charity drive. He made the Jumbotron during game 5 against the Caps, and got nationwide cable face-time (beard-time?) on Versus on Monday night against the Hurricanes. See for yourself.

Here's what he has to say about his facial-hair facsimile:

My mom said that I wasn't allowed to grow a beard until I was at least 11...but...IT'S THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS AND IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR...A BEARD! Let's go Pens!

Anthony has raised $535.00 so far. Check out his page here at the Beard-A-Thon site. Rate his beard from one to five pucks (give him a five!), and then pledge him some money too, like I did. Way to go, Anthony. You da MAN.

Game One's Best Shirt

2009-05-19T14:28:00.002-04:00

Wear this to the Igloo and you're a hero. Wear it to church - maybe not so much.

Fear Of Flying

2009-05-19T03:47:00.008-04:00

I don't trust airplanes either, so I can identify with this:

Tony Kornheiser Exits Monday Night Football Team
Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Jon "Chucky" Gruden will join Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski when ESPN's Monday Night Football starts its 40th season this fall. Gruden will make his debut with a preseason game Aug. 13, a Super Bowl rematch between the Arizona Cardinals and the defending champion Pittsburgh Steelers.

MNF has used all sorts of personalities over the years, dating to its debut on ABC. Gruden recalled watching in the days when Howard Cosell and Don Meredith shared the booth, and comedian Dennis Miller's stint led to Kornheiser's run.
The snarl-for-snarky swap came after Kornheiser cited a fear of flying in his decision to leave after three years. The same fear beset one of the most popular MNF announcers ever, John Madden, who retired from his TV career last month.
"My fear of planes is legendary and sadly true," Kornheiser said in a statement released by the network. "When I looked at the upcoming schedule it was the perfect storm that would've frequently moved me from the bus to the air."

Kornheiser will continue to appear on ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption."

I'm probably in the minority, but I enjoyed listening to Tony on MNF. But then I like him on PTI also. And I even liked Dennis Miller on MNF, although I knew he was doomed. Madden, on the other hand, drove me absolutely up the wall. So now, Gruden? I have no clue. We'll see.

Game 1 Final Score: Pens 3, Canes 2

2009-05-18T22:10:00.009-04:00

I got my birthday present! Thank you, guys. Glad to have that one in the bank. Carolina does know how to play all 60 minutes of a hockey game (not that this is a surprise, it's how they've gotten this far). In the first period, Miro Satan had a diabolically wicked breakaway goal right after he got out of the penalty box. Beat Cam Ward like a rented mule, he did. Geno had the second goal (also in the first), and Phillippe Boucher the third goal, in the third period. Sidney had an assist on Boucher's goal, but was otherwise not much of a factor tonight. The second period was flat and ugly (and no Pens scored), but we got through it. Marc-André Fleury's goaltending was the overall highlight, despite the two pucks that got past him. Lots more didn't. He outplayed Ward by a good margin (the save totals were 23 for MAF and 28 for CW), but Cam picked it up at the end, and the last couple of minutes were real nail-biters as the Hurricanes blew with gale-force intensity as the clock ticked down to zero.

Thoughts:

1. I don't know whether Sid had an off game for some reason, or the Canes were just good at neutralizing him, but I hope that the rabid-wolverine Sid comes back on Thursday.

2. Eric Staal wasn't much of a factor either. Another game where he didn't score a goal and the Canes lost the game. Another Game 1 loss for them, from which they will take consolation because they won their other two rounds after first-game losses. Maybe not this time, fellas.

3. Flower is going to have to continue to play as spectacularly as he did tonight, because the Canes had a lot of chances that they didn't capitalize on. They made far too many passes and not enough shots, and I expect they will fix that in Game 2. The goalies are going to be major, major factors in this series.

Game summary (stats) at Penguins/NHL

Game recap at Penguins/NHL

Post-Gazette game recap

Sporting News recap

TSN.ca recap (includes links to video highlights)

And to top it all off, the Pirates beat the Nationals tonight also, 12-7, for their third straight win. TWO birthday presents, how about that.

Game 1: Watching The Pre-Game On FSN

2009-05-18T18:43:00.005-04:00

I feel soooo sorry for the folks at FSN.

Last week: Pittsburgh at Washington, hockey - drew a 24.9 Nielsen share, almost 300,000 viewers
Tonight: Pittsburgh at Washington, baseball - not so much

Puck drops in about 45 minutes. See yinz on the flip side! GO SID! GO GENO! GO PENS!

Pop Rocks: Of Course They Did A Penguins Song Too

2009-05-18T13:29:00.004-04:00

I don't know why I didn't think to go look for this before today. It was posted right after we took out the Flyers.

Good stuff, even though I am not much of a Journey fan. Look through my pre-Super-Bowl posts (January 09 archives) if you want to see more of (and about) these kids.

Canes-Pens Game 1: Waiting, Waiting

2009-05-18T11:48:00.005-04:00

Today, all of my clocks are working like this one.

It's The Clock of the Long Now. It ticks once a year. The hands denote centuries and millennia. At midnight on 1/1/2000, the clock chimed ... twice.

Barbie And Me

2009-05-18T09:01:00.003-04:00

Happy -ahem-th Birthday to the both of us. Hers was actually on March 9th, so I'm nine weeks younger. Yes, it matters.

The resemblance between us is striking, except I use more eyeliner.

Hard To Hate A Hurricane?

2009-05-17T01:11:00.046-04:00

Residents of New Orleans LA or Homestead FL might find it quite easy to Hate a Hurricane, however I sit in Pennsylvania, where the atmosphere can sometimes be unattractive but it's rarely ever dangerous. The only memory I have of a hurricane that did any actual damage to me or my family was Agnes, in 1972. The creek behind my house was suddenly three feet deep inside the house, and my backyard was a churning lake of water and muck the color of melted Hershey bars. I don't recall what was damaged of the stuff my parents kept in the cellar (workbench, tools, freezer, washer, dryer, etc.), but I remember distinctly that the wooden balls from my croquet set got loose in the waterlogged garage, and floated away downstream. I wonder if they ended up in the Gulf of Mexico.

Just as we don't have much cause to hate meteorological hurricanes up here, we also don't have much justification for rage against the North Carolinian hockey-playing Hurricanes either. There's no long-smoldering, ready-to-flare-up-at-any-moment Centralia mine fire of hostility between us and the Canes - nor their Caniacs - the way there is between us and Philthydelphia, or to a lesser extent (but growing like a metastatic tumor) Washington.

The Raleigh folks appear to have more highly-developed social skills than their Yankee neighbors farther up the Eastern seaboard. Even if they're perhaps a little too fond of wasting gasoline, they've got at least one thoughtful blogger who has a few clues about how to approach Life, Letting Go, and Hockey. (He's actually a transplant from Massachusetts, but we'll have to let that slide for the moment. I hope to address the topic of Transplants later in the series, if I get the chance.) It would seem that the most egregious grudge befouling the air between Pittsburgh and Raleigh is the Brooks Orpik/Erik Cole hit which took place in March 2006 as the Hurricanes were en route to their only Stanley Cup. It was not a small thing and thank heavens it wasn't worse - Cole suffered a compression fracture in his C-5 vertebra, though he recovered quickly enough to play in the finals; Orpik was suspended for three games. But even this was just one isolated incident, not a decades-long history of Fear and Loathing. For Carolina, that honor must go to the team they just beat in Round 2, the Bruins. Prior to 1997 the Carolina Hurricanes were in fact the Hartford Whalers, neighbors and bitter rivals of Boston. Carolina fans who have identified with their team's history, as well as those masochistically loyal Whaler fans in Connecticut who still root for the team that Peter Karmanos ran away with (like Art Modell did with the ~~Browns~~ Ravens) have all just had their big dose of Rivalry Satisfaction in beating Boston to advance to the ECF.

Therefore, to make up for the lack of a whole lotta hatin' goin' on between these opponents, bones of contention have to be manufactured, or at least massaged a bit, to stir up everyone's blood ahead of Game 1 on Monday night. Here are a few of the things that have been cranked out and cranked up, to feed the beast ahead of the first face-off, when genuine gametime antipathy can finally take over.

1. Staal, Eric, vs Staal, Jordan. Did you know that they are brothers?

2.

Bill Cowher vs Mike Tomlin

(Real Pittsburghers always manage to wangle the Stillers into any other topic of conversation. Always.)

The Chin is a hand-shaking, baby-kissing Raleigh resident these days, and has occasionally been the pre-game ~~organ~~ siren grinder for the Canes (photo above left, although that thing looks like a hose-reel if you ask me). Mike Tomlin, who needed just 2 years to snag his Lombardi (Bill took 14, and two tries), often sits in the front row at the Igloo, and wears Pens jerseys at training camp in Latrobe (photo above right, lookin' good). If Bill, as is now being reported, cranks the siren against us during the ECFs, expect NOTHING ELSE to be discussed on Burgh news broadcasts for the next three months. Mark Madden will fry the transmitter at WXDX. Oh, the humanity! If All Hell broke loose on the streets of Crafton (where Bill was born and raised), and if Beelzebub Himself was directing the traffic, it would still not knock this story off of the lead. Bill will become the Fredo Corleone of Pittsburgh.

This adolescent-brained Cackalacky stunt, if it happens, could turn out to be a juju-boost for the Pens. Cahr never could win a freaking conference-final playoff game in his own building.

3. Ron Francis and Tom Barrasso are both Carolina assistant coaches. Back in the day, they both were Penguins. Will they or won't they wear their 1991 and 1992 Stanley Cup rings? What Would Mario Do?

4. Sidney Crosby vs Alex Ovechkin. The two most exciting players in the ~~NHL~~ ~~world~~ ~~galaxy~~ space-time continuum, right here together on the same ice at the same time. What? You say they're NOT playing against each other in this series? Are you sure?? Someone quick call Gary Bettman, what the hell is the matter with him, he needs to fix this! A PROFITABLE MARKETING OPPORTUNITY IS GOING TO WASTE!

You get my point. Tomorrow night's series opener cannot come soon enough.

Oh yes, one more thing. Instead of singing the national anthem before the game, I want everyone at Mellon Arena to sing Happy Birthday To Leeeny instead. Or better yet, have Jeff Jimerson do it. That would be very kewl.

Billy Guerin Does The Jungle

2009-05-15T13:44:00.005-04:00

I was pulling into my driveway at about 1:00 pm (less than an hour ago), when Jim Rome announced on the radio that Pens right winger Billy Guerin was coming up after the news break. How about that. I don't usually have the radio on when I run short errands, much less have it tuned to that particular show. I am not a Clone. But once I came to a stop in my garage, I stayed in the car, grabbed some random sheets of paper off of the back seat, and scribbled some notes. The things I do for you.

(Rome's questions/comments in parentheses) Bill's replies in italics [My comments in brackets]

- (Intro -17th season, 8th team, 4-time all-star, Billy Guerin) Been a long time, Romie.

- (Ever had a series like this last one?) Absolutely not. Never been around that level of hype! The three best scorers in the league in the same games - apparently a couple of them don't like each other. [laughs]

- (Crosby/Ovechkin comparison) - Two different personalities. Respect for them both but different kinds of people. OV likes the limelight a little more. Sort of a Magic-Bird thing going on. Great for the game.

- (What's it like skating with Sid?) A lotta fun. It's amazing for an old goat like me to be skating with a young stud like Sid.

- (Did you change your game when you came to the Pens?) No, I figure they traded for me, they wanted me to play my game, be myself.

- (I noticed there was no champagne after either of the series wins for you.) Still a lot of work to be done. It's not like baseball, where they break out the bottles and cigars every time they win a round. [PRICELESS]

- (Where do you find the reserves of energy to get through these playoffs?) It's a grind - that's why the Stanley Cup is such a great trophy, because it's such hard work to earn it.

- (You got your SC ring at age 24. How does that make you feel now?) I appreciated it at the time, but I sort of figured that I'd end up with more than one. But this is the farthest I've been into the playoffs since winning back then, 1995 - it was 14 years ago. Never take this process for granted.

- (Urgency on the team?) Everyone is in the now. [That's what he said.]

- (You were the captain of the Isles before the trade, they were rebuilding, and then boom you land in Pittsburgh with this incredible playoff run. You happy it worked out that way?) I'm thrilled. [laughs] [Gave many nice props to NYI management for the whole business of the trade.]

- (Everyone respects you, you're 'great in the room'.) Leadership comes out differently for different types of people. I try to be a good teammate.

- (The younger guys can use you as a role model. Who were your role models?) Bruce Driver, John McLean, Scotty Stevens. Randy McKay is still a good friend. [I'm guessing on the spelling of those names, sorry.]

- (And now you face Carolina.) They're grinders. Cam Ward. All mentally tough. Eric [Staal] is a stud. They've been here before. Another heckuva series coming up.

- (If you're Boston today, how bad does it feel?) Awful to lose game 7 in OT. It sucks.

- (Stick around after the break and I'll read some of the love-mails that people are already sending in to you.) Forward them to me!

- (First email - "BILL FREAKING GUERIN!") [Laughs]

Then they went to a commercial, and I had to get out of the car. The ice cream was thawing.

Conference Finals Schedules

2009-05-15T09:23:00.005-04:00

Took half the night last night to get the all times and networks nailed down, but here it is (thanks to Seth at Empty Netters for the spiffy little images).

2009 EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

vs.

Monday, May 18

at Pittsburgh, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, TSN, RDS

Thursday, May 21

at Pittsburgh, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, TSN, RDS

Saturday, May 23

at Carolina, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

Tuesday, May 26

at Carolina, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

* Friday, May 29

at Pittsburgh, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

* Sunday, May 31

at Carolina, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

* Tuesday, June 2

at Pittsburgh, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

2009 WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

vs.

Sunday, May 17

at Detroit, 3:00 p.m.

NBC, TSN, RDS

Tuesday, May 19

at Detroit, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, TSN, RDS

Friday, May 22

at Chicago, 8:00 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

Sunday, May 24

at Chicago, 3:00 p.m.

NBC, CBC, RDS

* Wednesday, May 27

at Detroit, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

* Saturday, May 30

at Chicago, 8:00 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

* Monday, June 1

at Detroit, 7:30 p.m.

VERSUS, CBC, RDS

*-If necessary.

Since we avoid NBC coverage (hooray!), all of the Penguins' games will be available on the big screen in front of Gate 3 at Mellon Arena.

Yet Another Ratings Juggernaut

2009-05-14T16:33:00.010-04:00

The Nielsen-numbers for Game 7. Shame that all these new FSN eyeballs have to migrate to VS/NBC for the rest of the run. The FSN crew's familiarity with the team and their Yinzer attitude, I'll miss a lot. The 90-20 car guys, not so much.

Wednesday night’s telecast of the 2009 NHL Eastern Conference Semifinal Game Seven between the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins registered a 24.97 average rating, according to Nielsen Media Research. The telecast, viewed by more than 287,000 households in the Pittsburgh DMA, surpassed two of the previous three games in the series to become the most-watched NHL game ever on FSN Pittsburgh and the highest-rated NHL game for any FSN regional sports network. The game peaked at a 31.4 rating (361,000 households) from 9:15PM-9:30PM ET.

FSN Pittsburgh carried Games 4-7 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals between the Penguins and the Capitals. Each of the four games landed in the Top Five All-Time Ratings for the regional sports network. The series averaged a 22.4 rating in the Pittsburgh DMA.

The game was the most-watched program in the Pittsburgh market on Wednesday night, beating out CBS’s Criminal Minds (12.7HH), CBS’s CSI: NY (12.3HH), FOX’s American Idol (11.01HH) and ABC’s Lost, season finale (7.4HH).

You can also check out most of the same numbers in this Post-Gazette article.

I'm proud to admit that I have never seen a single episode of any of the four network shows mentioned above. I loathe network television, particularly programs of the species defecatus realitii.

China Jack Toasts The Victorious Penguins

2009-05-14T13:20:00.006-04:00

I don't need to say anything at all about this.

Answering Semin's Question, In Poetry And Prose

2009-05-14T04:42:00.017-04:00

"What's so special about Crosby? I don't see anything special there."

- Alexander Semin, late October 2008

Response 1, poetic:

Crosby dominates
Shuts up all the Caps fans, adds:
Can you hear me now?

(I wish I could claim this gem as my own. It's by Fast B over at letsgopens.com.)

Response 2, prosaic:

"Message To Semin" by Jim Kelley at Ontario's sportsnet.ca. Here's an excerpt (but go read the whole thing, it rakes):

Hopefully Alexander Semin learned a few lessons while watching Sidney Crosby from the end of the Capitals' bench.

Memo to Alexander Semin: Next time you decide to put your foot in your mouth make sure it doesn't have Sidney Crosby's No. 87 on it.

There were a great number of reasons the Pittsburgh Penguins defeated you and your Washington Capitals in Game 7 on Wednesday night and moved on to the Stanley Cup Eastern Conference final. Superior goaltending in the pivotal game, along with the kind of maturity that comes with experience, are high on the list, but among the many lessons you and your teammates should learn from this series there are two that should rate high on your personal list:

1) Never call out a player who is skilled, intense, superbly talented and has a hunger to win in ways you have never imagined let alone are likely to learn.

2) If you do, at least raise the level of your game to something other than a remake of The Invisible Man.

(article continues at link above)

Response 3, more prose:

"No Interpretation Needed" by Allan Muir at SI.com. Excerpt:

A blowout from very early in the second, this was the one element of this otherwise thrilling series that didn't deliver on the hype. It was a flaccid dessert after a spectacular six-course meal, maybe the worst delivery-to-anticipation ratio since The Phantom Menace. A laugher whose punch line was the desperation goaltending change that saw forgotten man Jose Theodore replace Simeon Varlamov early in the second period, and whose highlight for the dejected denizens of the Verizon Center was an errant pass that conked referee Dan O'Halloran upside the head.

But while it lacked in entertainment value, it was more than successful as a primer on the value of defensive zone dedication, and the dangers facing whichever team Pittsburgh meets in the Eastern Conference final.
For the Caps, who blew a 2-0 series lead, the devil wasn't in the details, but in the commitment. You want a lesson in commitment? Watch Evgeni Malkin blocking a shot in the second period . . . while Pittsburgh was nursing a 4-0 lead.

That really said it all about his team's focus and the advantage it gave them over an opponent either unwilling or unable to match it. Because for all the shock and awe that their offense can muster, Washington's forwards continued to play as though skill alone would be enough to carry the day. While Pittsburgh's forwards fully engaged in the battle, the Capitals kept looking for the easy way out . . . and they'll spend tomorrow cleaning out their lockers as a result.

Re Muir's 'flaccid dessert' analogy - great Star Wars humor bit, but I would remind him that only half of Game 7 suffered from flaccidity. The red half.

Game Seven Haiku Replay

2009-05-13T22:55:00.010-04:00

In case you missed it several posts down at 12:42pm (6+ hours before faceoff), I'm re-posting my haiku. I want everyone to bask in the glow of my Penguinally Prescient Poetical Preeminence.

Phone Booth in DC
Cherry blossoms blown away
So are Caps by Pens

Who's Crying Now, DC?

2009-05-13T21:29:00.030-04:00

I can't even begin to describe this game. SIX TO FREAKING TWO, babycakes.

Best. Day. In. Ages. Go surf for more recaps, there will be a million. (Here's one: Seth Rorabaugh's detailed live blog with pix even, you won't do better than this.) Tomorrow is going to be FUN on the Internets.

My favorite postgame Photoshop mashup so far:

And my favorite in-game photo (perhaps of all time even):

(Click on the picture or here to see it on video at YouTube - PRICELESS.)

These ain't bad either:

The following photo shows the same goal as the first one directly above, but from an ice-level angle and taken a tiny bit earlier in time.

(first goal, on the PP, 12:36 into the first period) Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

If it's possible for me to respect and treasure Sidney any more than I already did before this game, I do after watching how he played in this series, tonight in particular. And, after seeing the look on his face in this photograph. Boys and girls, this is what a champion looks like.

Pens-Caps Game 7: Thirty Minutes Till The Puck Drops

2009-05-13T18:35:00.011-04:00

No freaking way I am going to be able to live-blog this game. See you on the flip side, assuming my brain can still function well enough to remind my fingers how to type.

Game 7: Gonch Hunch

2009-05-13T17:09:00.010-04:00

Rumor has it that Sarge is suiting up, and will see at least PP duty and possibly more if the knee feels good. Officially it's still a game-time decision for Bylsma, but my lastest casting of the JuJu Runepucks foretells an auspicious outcome.

Game 7: Almost Time To Start Digging

2009-05-13T16:09:00.005-04:00

Or as the ~~Suckos~~ Buccos used to say, "Let's Go To Work".

My Game Seven Haiku

2009-05-13T12:42:00.006-04:00

Phone Booth in DC
Cherry blossoms blown away
So are Caps by Pens

Lots more can be found at this thread on the LetsGoPens board.

Dancing With The REAL Stars

2009-05-13T12:00:00.003-04:00

Reality TV, Burgh-style. We don't need no steenkin' airwave dreck.

Monday's Pens/Caps Game Registers Highest-Rated NHL Game Ever on Any FSN Regional Sports Network

Monday night’s telecast of the 2009 NHL Round Two Game Six between the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins registered a 24.2 average rating, according to Nielsen Media Research. The telecast, viewed by more than 277,800 households in the Pittsburgh DMA, was the most-watched NHL game ever on FSN Pittsburgh and the highest-rated NHL game for any FSN regional sports network.

The game was the most-watched program in the Pittsburgh market on Monday night, beating out such programs as ABC’s Dancing with the Stars (11.3HH) and CBS’s CSI: Miami (10.7HH).

(the posted article continues at this link at the Pens website)

Seven more hours left to wait. What the hell happened to my CLOCK to make it run so slow?

Also: whoever Twitters for PTI (Pardon The Interruption on ESPN, half of the only single hour I can stand to watch on that shill of a network) was asking for suggestions for today's "Oddsmakers" segment. I tweeted back with "Chances that Pens-Caps Game 7 goes into OT?" So if you see it on the show this afternoon (5:30pm Eastern), IT'S MINE, BABY.

Baby Pens-Hershey Bears, Game 7, Audio Feed

2009-05-12T18:45:00.009-04:00

Game Seven, AHL Eastern Division Finals. Just about to drop the puck. I'm listening to this not only out of actual interest, but also because the series has been spookily portentous for the Caps-Pens games so far, win for win, same results. Hershey is Washington's AHL team, if you didn't know that already. I can't help but wish that Varly was playing for his other team (if you've caught him on TV closeups, you can see that his mask has Caps graphics on one side, and Bears graphics on the other). I think that boy has done way more for the Caps to put them where they are right now, than AO has. I'm just sayin'.

http://player.streamtheworld.com/_players/entercom/player/?id=WDMT

It's streaming from 102.3 in Scranton-WilkesBarre, "The Mountain FM".

Speaking of which, do the Big Pens have an audio feed somewhere online? Does WDVE stream the games? I usually watch 'em on TV, but I should be doing the Steelers-Hillgrove (and Cope) routine and turning down the sound to listen to Mike Lange. I'm too far out of range to pull in DVE over the air.

Addendum, 10:00pm, after I got back from my monkeyboys' little-league game ...

Bad News Bears, indeed. WBS Pens got shut out, 3-0. Hershey scored one goal in each period. Okay, so we throw out that bogus and statistically unrelated "as they go, so go we" theory. Ridiculous.

Watch This A Few Times Before The Game, Sid

2009-05-12T16:47:00.010-04:00

And show it to everyone else in the locker room while you're at it.

Then to lighten things up right before you hit the ice, go with this:

Passing Time Till Tomorrow Night

2009-05-12T14:16:00.006-04:00

Self-distraction via silly Photoshopping. Swapped out the Lombardi trophy and baseball in my title banner for some hockey stuff. Hope I get to keep this version up for a while.

Yesterday I also made the following, in the hopes of being able to post it on the JuJu thread at letsgopens.com at the appropriate moment. Alas, 'twas not to be. We'll see if I can put it up tomorrow.

What I'm supposed to be doing today is cleaning the swinebot flu from my daughter-in-law's hosed computer, but at the moment I'm just not in the mood. I guess that will be my golf-game equivalent for the end of the week, if tomorrow night doesn't work out.

But hey, we ARE going to WIN. Stuff it to those people in their own building, what the hell. No Problem.

Caps-Pens: Game 6 Running Comments

2009-05-11T19:47:00.032-04:00

I'll update this in between periods, or more often if I am sitting here during the action. If it's not obvious, the times listed show what's remaining in the period, not what's elapsed.

1ST PERIOD:

14:05 Six minutes in, Billy G. puts it past VarLAmov on a nice 2-on-1 pass from Sidney! 1-0 Pens. Good thing the first-team-scoring-loses-the-game jinx was already broken in Game 5.

08:25 Two Caps penalties in short succession - as my pal DaveG says, "GOTS to score on 5 on 3s"

07:49 Dang it Sid, he's going to the box, now it's 4 on 3.

06:17 Game speed seems way slower so far, more like the other serieses going on. Last couple of games we were really in another gear, velocity-wise. Not sure what this portends, especially if it continues.

Factoid: Pens lead shots in entire series so far, 201-138, not quite through end of 1st period in game 6. Wowzer. Ovechkin can't do everything all by himself all the time, can he. One one of the boards I perused today, there was a discussion about the draft where Washington won the lottery to pick first (AO) and we got 2nd pick (Geno). I liked the poster's summary of the results: Crosby+Malkin >>> Crosby+Ovechkin. Discuss.

02:33 Lotta fussing but no finishing. Still seems like they're skating on frozen molasses or something. Do they have Jugs guns for skating speed? Maybe they're just all Tahr'd. Not that I'd blame them for that.

00:32 Kunitz and Semin playing hokey-pokey, and Kunitz gets the penalty for tripping. We'll start p2 shorthanded. Goals: Pens 1, Caps 0. Shots: Pens 18, Caps 5.

Comments: Ovechkin wasn't a presence at all this period, as I didn't even hear the big chorus of boos (which he gets whenever he skates with the puck) except for one shot right before the horn blew.

Not nearly the adrenalin-rush so far. Crowd isn't very loud, but there hasn't been much to be loud about yet. Hey we're ahead and AO didn't score, if we can do that for 40 more minutes, that's all that matters.

2ND PERIOD:

18:32 Killed off the rest of the penalty.

17:30 Whole lotta checkin' goin' on. It's all so ... almost ... civilized ... so far. Strange.

14:32 Caps shot almost went in, whew.

13:33 Koslov scores high on a clear lane, because Sidney got hurt defending the previous shot and was trying to leave the ice. DAMMIT. And there's too many men on the ice AGAIN, on that play, geez. Caps powerplay, Malkin in the box. 1-1 tie.

11:15 Big hard shot by AO (who else) at MAF, saved by the Flower.

10:24 Full strength.

07:23 Skate, shoot, skate, defend, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ugly line changes on our side, we look sloppy this period.

05:19 Fleishmann scores for the Caps at the very start of a powerplay, deflected in a little by Crosby (karma I guess). 2-1 Caps.

02:15 Fabulous D by Scuderi on a run by AO.

02:04 Pens powerplay - Pothier gets the penalty.

00:33.4 EATON SCORES ON THE POWER PLAY. Thank Heavens! 2-2 tie.

Back to the locker room, tied up at 2. Frankly, we're lucky to be in that position. The 3rd period better look a lot sharper, boys and girls, if we want those DC guys to go home to schedule their tee-times.

Shots 25-11 through two, us. We should be AHEAD, dammit.

3RD PERIOD:

Come on CROWD, time to get into it. This is IT.

16:00 Crowd finally getting noisy. About time! Starting to see Desperation (both sides) for the first time all night.

15:23 GOOOOOAAAAAAAAL!!! Didn't even have time to post the powerplay, before Tanger puts one in on an amazing bounce off the end board after Gogo shot the puck in. 3-2 Pens!

14:36 Orpik penalty for hooking, on Greg Louganis. I can't type fast enough - Caps score (Semin) quickly on the power play. SHEEEIT. 3-3 tie. This is ridiculous!

13:53 Koslov scores again. I CANNOT BELIEEEEEEEEEEVE THIS. I may have to quit this damn blogging. 4-3 Caps. Fleury is redolent of Fromage de Suisse at the moment.

09:10 Sidney is just going to have to put this game on his back and CARRY IT. I don't see any other way.

08:22 Close but no cigar. Getting more physical. We're pressing our O in the zone at least, but that's not going to do it at this point unless we FINISH. Crowd is too quiet again.

6 minutes left...

04:18 SIDNEY!!!!!!! On a bounce after Orpik shot it from the point. I TOLD YINZ HE WOULD DO IT! 4-4 tie. OMG it's myocardial infarction time again... puh-lease no more OT, my heart can't take it.

03:00 ... tick ... tick ... tick ...

02:02 Penalty called on Laich for slashing, even our announcers are surprised. Boo-hoo-dreau is going ballistic. Pens power play...............................

00:20 oh the shots..... aiiiieee nothing .... puck back to Caps end, now a long shot back down to Varly, he's still in the goal because of the pp, we're down to 1.5 seconds. GONNA BE OVERTIME.

Yup, OT it is. Inhale, exhale, people.

Through regulation, the shots are 39-10, with 12-3 PP shots. Pens ahead in both those stats, in case it needs to be said.

Well, at least I like us in OT. If Flower can hold up to his past OT performance, and Sid can play Atlas for just a few more minutes, all will be well. From my fingers to God's inbox...

OT:

Sidney, puh-leeease DO IT. Crosby, Guerin, and Cooke to start.

18:30 Back and forth so far. We're shooting on the left-hand goal, as FSN shows the ice on the TV.

17:30 Fedotenko's on the ice, now going off for Geno. Sid and Tanger on with him. COME ON!

16:05 Scuderi off the crossbar, dangit. So close.

15:47 FLOWER GLOVE-SAVES A HUGE SHOT BY OVECHKIN. Way in front of the crease. Saved. The. Game.

14:59 Breathe.

14:xx Steckel scores, I don't know what the clock-time was, probably about 14:30. Talbot's stick was broken, he was useless on the play. Caps win, 5-4. FRICK! (I am not saying "FRICK" here in my own house.) SON OF A BITCH.

Back to the Phone Booth, people.

Caps-Pens, Game 6, Igloo

2009-05-11T15:04:00.007-04:00

I feel sorta bad that I've ignored the whole end of the hockey season and this far into the playoffs, after blogging my little fingers off for the Super Bowl. This is a hard time of year for me to be online much, but maybe I can pick it up from here on out. I am in the most intense hockey mode of my life right now, way more even than last season, when we came THIS CLOSE.

Here's all that needs to be said for tonight's game:

Maybe this, additionally, which is another motivation. As if we needed any.

Right now the baseball lamers are just minimally annoying background noise. I don't even qualify as Irate anymore, I just Do. Not. Care. If you want a rueful sort of laugh, go read that linked post - it's from late June 2006, and I could almost have written it yesterday, except for the bit about the All-Star-Game, and the fact that the www.iratefans.com website isn't even online now. They don't care anymore either.

Keep Verizon Wireless From Selling Your Data

2009-03-08T19:51:00.024-04:00

A Public Service Announcement, if you are a Verizon Wireless cell-phone customer.

Verizon Wireless is currently sending out notification letters full of fine-print legalese to some of its customers. This notification only comes in the mail if you receive paper bills from VZW. Many VZW customers don't. You can read the whole document at
http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/globalText?contentType=Legal%20Notice&textId=181.

Short Version: Unless you opt out within the next 45 days, you agree that VZW can share a whole bunch of your private account data. Share, as in sell. And opt out, as in we'll be doing this unless you go to the trouble of telling us not to.

The personal data that VZW wants to distribute to anyone with a check includes: services purchased (including specific calls you make and receive), billing details, technical details, and location details. They promise to share this data only with 'affiliates, agents and parent companies'. They say that the data will not be shared with 'unrelated third parties', but I'm guessing that they define an affiliate as 'someone who has paid us'. Your data is given the descriptive name of Customer Proprietary Network Information, or CPNI. The document linked above does NOT state that the information they will 'share' is non-personally-identifiable, which makes me surmise that it is indeed specific, tied-to-you-and-you-alone. If you read the thing differently, let me know in a comment, but that's how it looks to me.

I won't even get into the whole "there oughta be a law" discussion about this sort of behavior. Insert your own spittle-flecked, profanity-laced rant here. To cut to the chase: here are a couple of ways to do the opting out.

Method 1. Telephone to 800–333–9956. Make sure you know your account's security password, as you'll need it to get past the menu. You also need to know at least one of the cell-phone numbers on your account (duh). You can opt out for all numbers on the same account with just the one phone call.

Method 2. If you have an online VZW account (and why wouldn't you?), log in at
https://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/index.html. If you haven't yet set up an online account, you can do it at that same location.

On the red menu bar (see image at right), select My Verizon, and then click on My Profile on the flyout (ignore the second gray flyout to the left).

On the profile page (not shown), scroll down to Phone Controls, and find (copied verbatim): "Your privacy is important to us. You have ability to change your privacy(CPNI) Settings. View/Edit Privacy(CPNI) Settings" [You betcha your privacy is important to them, it's a revenue stream.] Click on the View/Edit link.

Here's where you will find the current status of your CPNI election. If you haven't previously told VZW to keep your data to themselves, the radio button(s) will be selected in the right column. Move them over to the left, and hit SUBMIT.

As far as I am able to tell, this only applies to wireless accounts, not Verizon landline accounts. I wasn't able to find a simliar privacy document/selection for my landline. But don't hold me to that as gospel, since it would seem to any reasonably cynical person (and I'm certainly one of those) that what goes for one Verizon snake-head goes for the whole poisonous Hydra.

If you'd like to let Verizon feel some of your pain, then instead of doing either of the above methods, telephone to a human at 800–922–0204 (6am to 11pm, presumably Eastern time). Make them explain their CPNI policy to you in detail, ask them a few time-consuming questions, maybe chew their ear off a little for their corporate evil rat-bastardness, and then tell them to opt you out. That will at least give you the satisfaction of having cost them half an hour or so in labor charges.

Sources:
Slashdot: http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/03/08/196242
Gizmodo: http://tinyurl.com/djv3lr

Addendum 3/9, 1750edt ...

ZDNet: http://blogs.zdnet.com/ip-telephony/?p=2649

Apparently this isn't new news. ZD's blog post goes back to Oct 2007. So maybe it's a recirculating net-meme, or maybe Verizon is giving it another try, but in any case it's still worth checking your VZW profile and making sure you're not letting them sell your data. FWIW, the ZD post has a scan of the paper document that comes with your mailed bill, and it also includes a polite nastygram that you can email off to the commissioners at the FCC.

Yet another 10/07 source:
http://networkinstruments.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/outrage-an-open-letter-to-the-fcc/
http://networkinstruments.wordpress.com/2007/10/16/outrage-verizon-wireless-to-sell-ads-on-your-cell-phone/
(if that link is too long, use http://tinyurl.com/2pmnbm)

And here's the NYTimes, which has the requisite lack of emotion in its reporting, plus it quotes some Verizon people on the subject of just what they are trying to accomplish (for what their word is worth):
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/16/business/16phone.html?_r=1&ref=business

And here they're catching up with the current spate of reporting on this topic, reposting information from ReadWriteWeb:
http://www.nytimes.com/external/readwriteweb/2009/03/07/07readwriteweb-verizon_customers_-_just_say_no.html?em (or http://tinyurl.com/dffdce)
I think they should link to this post for directions on how to opt out!

3/10, 1824edt... Verizon Responds. Let's make this very simple: anything involving private data should be opt-IN. Only. Period. Always.

The Oscars: Acorns For A Blind Squirrel

2009-02-22T21:13:00.022-05:00

I HATE award shows. Stupid mutual-admiration-society full of navel-gazing posterior-kissers, feeding our stupid celebrity-worshiping culture. A parasite that feeds off itself as well as off of those of us out here in the real world. I can respect acting as an artistic endeavor, but the whole Hollywood thing is just... stupid.

Despite this antipathy, I always get a wee bit curious on Oscar night. Yes, it's hypocritical, I can't justify that. But I do NOT subject myself to the dreck of the actual television show. I don't give a rip about Hugh Jackman's top-hat, nor designer dresses on anorexic starlets. Instead, I'm watching the results roll in at the NYTimes website's "Carpetbagger" blog, complete with an interactive ballot that I filled out just before the 7:30pm deadline.

So far I am 4 for 8. Before you make any judgments on whether that's a good or bad performance (not all the precincts have reported yet; I'll update this post once all the envelopes have been opened), it should be noted in boldface that the only movies I've seen out of the entire crop of nominated films are The Dark Knight and WALL-E. So nearly all my guessing is being done blindfolded, so to speak. I almost never go to theaters anymore. I hate paying far too much money to sit uncomfortably (and without a pause button) amongst the noisy and ill-behaved general public. I'm sure I'll Netflix a few of these flix once they're out on DVD.

I think there's a point to be made here. I'm not quite sure what it is.

Addendum, 10:08pm... 7 for 11 so far. Heath Ledger for supporting actor was a sentimental no-brainer. The NYTimes guy (David Carr) is 9 for 11, and he's seen all the movies.

10:40pm... I'm 9 for 17 now, not quite as impressive but still not too shabby for a blind squirrel. Even with the TV off, you can tell when the commercial breaks occur, because of the long gaps in the live-results updating.

11:05pm... 9 for 19, with 5 awards left to go. I pretty much gave away my best-song vote by picking WALL-E's "Down To Earth" over the rolling juggernaut of Slumdog Millionaire's "Jai Ho". Peter Gabriel wrote the WALL-E song and I am a major Gabriel/Genesis fan going way back to the days of the red dress and fox head. Academy be damned, I think I picked the better song. Not even close.

11:54pm... final tally, 11 for 24. I'd have hit .500 if Sean Penn hadn't beaten out Mickey Rourke for best actor. If you aren't grading on a curve it's a flunkout, but considering the nature of the experiment, I'll take 46% as a decent outcome. Looks like I'll have to get Slumdog onto the top of my Netflix queue, even though I've read criticism over how it 'beautifies' the abject poverty in the Mumbai slums. Plus, I hate television game/reality shows (or movies about them) at least as much as I hate awards shows. Another stupid product of our stupid culture.

Pirates Futility Poll

2009-02-13T11:48:00.004-05:00

I've recovered from the Super Bowl and its inevitable post-celebratory hangover. I've never suffered much from football withdrawal, but this might be a first since it's so clear that there's no damn thing to take its place for the next half-year. Hockey's okay (Pens having a tough go of it right now), NBA sucks beyond belief, NCAA tourney is endurable if one of my teams is in it. Not much to choose from.

Normally I'm jumped up about Pitchers And Catchers, and in years past we were even planning one of our trips to Bradenton about now. This year, not so much.

But to try to squeeze some sort of ersatz entertainment from the approach of another Season Of Suckage at PNC Park, I am going to take bets on when you think the Pirates will be mathematically eliminated from the 2009 pennant race. Post in the comments with your guess for the date. As of the end of games on that day, we will be officially Out Of It. And as a tie-breaker, also please put down your guess as to our win-loss record on that date.

I'll come up with a prize for the winner.

The Curse Of The Terrible Towel

2009-02-06T16:25:00.019-05:00

An Object Lesson for Towel-Disrespecters. See also: Santayana's Aphorism on Repetitive Consequences.

Before we start, class, please review this story at the New York Times, so that you fully understand the Karma behind the Terrible Towel.

For Terrible Towels, A Wonderful Legacy
by John Branch

Now let us begin.

▪ December 2005: Cincinnati receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh wiped his feet with a Terrible Towel after scoring a touchdown. The Bengals won the game, but the Steelers subsequently defeated Cincinnati in the playoffs on the road to victory in Super Bowl XL. (Go to 1:30 on the video to see the foot-wiping.)

▪ September 2008: Ravens receiver Derrick Mason stomped on a Towel before a Week 4 matchup televised on Monday Night Football. Baltimore lost all three of its 2008-season games against Pittsburgh, including the AFC championship game, where the Steelers earned their berth to Super Bowl XLIII.

▪ December 2008: Tennessee Titans running back LenDale White and linebacker Keith Bulluck stomped on a Towel after the Titans beat the Steelers 31-14 in Week 16, a victory which made Tennessee the #1 seed for the AFC playoffs. In their final regular-season game the following week, the Titans were shut out by the Colts, 23-0. They then fell to Baltimore in the first round of the playoffs.

After the Pittsburgh game, Titans player Michael Griffin attempted some damage control, but the Towel doesn't forget.

▪ January 26, 2009: At the airport send-off for the Cardinals, Phoenix mayor Phil Gordon blew his nose into a Terrible Towel, stomped on it, then handed it to the Cardinals' mascot Big Red, who wiped his wingpits with it. Gordon later apologized, but the Towel was having none of it.You know the results.

▪ The Steelers' record in the 43-plus years before the Terrible Towel is 230-299-20 (.435), with four playoff victories and one Super Bowl. In the 33-plus years since the Terrible Towel's conception, the team's record is 336-222-1 (.602), with 24 playoff victories and five Super Bowls.

▪ The Towel has its own extensive Wikipedia entry.

▪ In the words of Myron Cope, of blessed memory:

"The towel is a positive force that lifts the Steelers to magnificent heights, and poses mysterious difficulties for the Steelers' opponents only if need be."

▪ Randy Baumann, of Pittsburgh's radio station WDVE, created this musical cautionary tale. Great photos in here of the Towel all over the world. (The jet fighter at 2:34 is so cool.)

▪ The Curse Of The Terrible Towel
a poem by Dave Crawley

There is power, they say, in the towels that wave.
Like black and gold shrouds on the visitor's grave.
It's a mojo opponents should never neglect.
The Terrible Towel requires respect.

Then this! A deed unspeakably foul!
The Tennessee Titans defiles the towel!
Although their crass actions made Steeler fans wince,
You'll notice that Titan team hasn't won since.

They lost to the Colts. Then the Ravens came in,
A game Tennessee was expected to win.
But the curse of the towel gave Tennessee shakes,
As they sank in a series of stunning mistakes.

Our Black and Gold guys had a much different story.
Santonio Holmes led the gallop to glory.
Fast Willie scored, and the Steelers were winning.
For the Chargers the torment was only beginning.

Third quarter. Alas, on the Bolts' only play,
Foote gives them the boot, and he takes it away.
The towels were twirling as Ben let it go,
And the much maligned offense was starting to flow.

That towel brings sorcery into the fray.
If you don't believe it, well, check out this play.
To add to the Chargers' grim feelings of dread,
A punt that careened off this poor fellow's head.

The message, of course, as we hooted with glee,
From the Terrible Towel: Do not tread on me.
A word to the Ravens. The moment draws nigh.
This is the reason you're still flying high.

The Titans besmirched it, and now to our glee
They will be watching this game on TV.
As you enter the confines where Steeler fans howl:
Beware of the curse of the Terrible Towel.

LYRICS: Stairway To Seven, Steelers D, Tomlin Song

2009-02-05T01:31:00.010-05:00

My traffic is way down from last week (not a surprise), but a lot of the hits I'm still getting are people searching for the lyrics to these wonderful Rich Banks covers. I've had the song links up for a while (see the sidebar at right, there are both streamers and download links), but I haven't typed up the lyrics till now. Here are all three.

▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪

Stairway To Seven
to the tune of Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven
performed by Rich Banks

By the Three Rivers shores
A team wears black and gold
With a QB who wears number seven

From the days of Chuck Noll
Jack Lambert and Mean Joe
The Lombardi Trophy's what we play for

Oooh Oooh
Bradshaw's throwing a touchdown to Lynn Swann

There's a feeling I get
When I drive the Parkway West
With snow falling it's playoff season

In Heinz Field I have seen
Golden towels all waving
And the voices of those screaming 'De-fense'

Oooh Polamalu

Ooooooh Troy Polamalu

Now there's a tussle with the Ravens
And it's gonna snow
Beat them and go and win that sixth ring

Steel Curtain's blitzing for Joe Flacco
Thanks to Dick LeBeau
Noll, Cowher, and now Coach Tomlin

Yes there are two teams that are playing
But in the long run
One's a lame bird and one's a Champion

And as we wind on down the road
Towards the Tampa Super Bowl
Mel Blount, Jack Ham, and Franco
Make way for Hines, Willie, and Santonio

Here we go Steelers here we go
And if you listen very hard
You'll hear the voice of Myron Cope

Steelers fans both young and old
Not black or white but Black and Gold

And our QB wears the number seven

▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪

Steelers D
to the tune of AC/DC's T.N.T.
performed by Rich Banks

Yoi yoi yoi and double yoi, yoi yoi yoi
Kiesel, Hampton, Aaron Smith, and Hoke
Taylor, Clark, and Forty-Three
Out to make opponents bleed
Go ask Willis McGahee

Woodley to the left of James
And Silverback to his right
We don't need a gun
Don't need a knife
To beat the sissy Cards in a fight

It's the

Steelers D
Steel Curtain time
Steelers D
Warner's gonna cry
Steelers D
Arizona's doomed
Steelers D
Edge James needs a hospital room

They're dirty, mean, best you ever seen
They'll hurt you bad
Arizona, this ain't gonna be fun
Understand?

So lock up Kurt Warner
Hide your O-line
Just stay in Phoenix
Or you'll get last rites
The Curtain's back in town
And Arizona's goin' down

Steelers D
Yoi Yoi Yoi
Steelers D
Yoi Yoi Yoi
Steelers D
Yoi Yoi Yoi
Steelers D
Yoi Yoi Yoi
Steelers D
Yoi Yoi Yoi

▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪

The Tomlin Song
to the tune of Kenny Rogers's The Gambler
performed by Rich Banks

In the winter of '07
Dan Rooney lost Coach Cowher
So he sat down with Mike Tomlin
After Whisenhunt and Grimm

No one gave Mike a shot 'cause
The others knew the Rooneys
But Tomlin overwhelmed Dan
With all that he told him

Mike said "Sir, I've made a life
Out of coaching lots of ball games
And I know how to beat up
The Browns, Ravens, and Cinci"

Rooney passed up on the favorites
And took a chance on Tomlin
And just two seasons later
He's coaching for a ring

You got to know when to blitz 'em
Know when to Max Protect
Know when to Cover 2
Know when to run

You never count your rings
When you're standin' on the sidelines
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the beating's done

On the eve of the Super Bowl
His players lookin' for inspiration
And that Cards offense lookin' scary
Tomlin's words were bold

"Arizona's just a team
While we represent a Nation
It don't matter if you're black or white
Just that you're Black and Gold"

And when Tomlin's team had won
He turned back towards the Three Rivers
Folded up his Terrible Towel
And faded off to sleep

And somewhere in the darkness
Dan Rooney's still the genius
'Cause in the wake of Tampa Stadium
He found a sixth ring he could keep

You got to know when to blitz 'em
Know when to Max Protect
Know when to Cover 2
Know when to run

You never count your rings
When you're standin' on the sidelines
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the Cards are done

▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪

Somebody At Comcast Doesn't Like The Cardinals

2009-02-04T17:49:00.013-05:00

Lots of tantalizing news blurbs about this "isolated malicious act" in the last couple of days, but this post at TMZ.com has the video. [NSFW - Not Safe For Work!] The really naughty bits are blacked out, but you still can see what those lucky Tucson-area standard-def Comcast customers got to see for 30 seconds, right after Kurt Warner went long (ahem) to Larry Fitzgerald in the 4th quarter, giving Arizona their only, and short-lived, lead.

Even TMZ's title is great:

Porn Clip Penetrates Super Bowl Broadcast

I almost embedded the video clip here, but no, just go to TMZ and look at it. My monkeyboys visit my blog, I gotta keep things kid-friendly here.

[Addendum, 2/5/09, 16:25 ... if you're really brave, here's the video without the blacked-out bits. Extremely NSFW! The FCC is apparently going to look into this, or the Justice Department, if the FCC doesn't have jurisdiction since it was cable and not broadcast. My, my.]

Postgame: Monday Morning Quarter-Groundhog

2009-02-04T16:54:00.020-05:00

Punxsutawney Phil's a member of the Nation, even if he was a day late with his Super Bowl prediction. His weather forecast was a downer, so I guess he needed something to win back the crowd.

KeithSrakocic/AP

Only thing missing is Bill Murray.

Super Graphics #2

2009-02-04T15:39:00.004-05:00

Kurt Snibbe draws "Sportoons" for ESPN's Page 2. This is just the last frame of his Super Bowl XLIII Recap. You should go check out the whole thing, it's excellent. You'll have to remember some of the commercials to get all the funny bits - you can replay those at YouTube's AdBlitz.

Super Graphics #1

2009-02-03T23:21:00.006-05:00

NICE Photoshop work.

Postgame: Ryan Parker Sings Of Sixburgh

2009-02-03T13:52:00.009-05:00

There's still a ton of quality stuff around the Net that I didn't have time to get to before the game. I'll keep at it for a while, even though my hit count has pretty much cratered already. Ah that fickle bitch, popularity.

Ryan Parker writes and sings wonderful little sports parodies. He's got a zillion of 'em, cross-referenced by topic, posted at his site www.ryanparkersongs.com. He's a Bengals fan, so the following homage-paying ballads must not have been easy for him. The man deserves credit for having class.

The lyrics are posted at the pages I've linked to in the titles. Last time I checked, the Sixburgh video was slow to load, presumably due to high demand. Your patience will be rewarded. The second video I just love. Ryan, you can have your citizenship in the Nation any time you want it. Welcome.

On The Road To Sixburgh (January 20, 2009)

Pittsburgh, Can I Be A Steeler? (September 18, 2008)

What A Guy, What A Guy

2009-02-03T10:57:00.007-05:00

Ben chats it up with Dave Letterman on Monday night's Late Show. Click on the image to go to KDKA's video player. Don't forget to come back.

"I saw Santonio in the corner and as soon as I let go of it, I saw the defensive back going to get it, and I thought it was intercepted. I thought the game was over. I thought I blew it. And, you know what? He made a heck of a catch, he really did."

Coke Ads: 30 Years Apart

2009-02-02T22:00:00.002-05:00

1979

2009

WELCOME TO SIXBURGH PA

2009-02-01T23:15:00.013-05:00

Bryan Snyder/Reuters

Steelers 27
Cardinals 23

Second Half Live Notes

2009-02-01T22:12:00.009-05:00

▪ big hit on boldin
▪ catch the bastard geez
▪ troy still aint showed up yet
▪ roy's workin the blk+gold dreadlock mojo (this is a guy at my party, not on the tv)
▪ stupid chains
▪ sean badcall brick losers losers losers (another party person)
▪ pick city review
▪ moon car on blocks! 'no ones safe'
▪ WTF moose ass!
▪ forward motion?? nope incomplete
▪ scottish accent horse funny
▪ willie slips
▪ hines situation he's my jersey guy matching white 86
▪ throw it away ben ROUGHING!
▪ willie goes down again ARIANS BOZO
▪ SANTONIO
▪ we neeeeeeeeeed a td
▪ heath bar! whatta block
▪ ahh willie sigh
▪ drop, heath
▪ settle for 3 - persfoul on HOLDER HAHAHAHA
▪ HAVE TO GET THIS TD
▪ aaiiieee whew out of bounds
▪ arrrggghhh redzone ARIANS BOZO BOZO
▪ got what we woulda got anyway but a huge wasted gift
▪ punch a baby koala
▪ animated bugs ad for coke, sweet!
▪ more completions argh
▪ troy IS doing his job not letting larry get the ball downfield - sorry troy hon for doubting
▪ turturro heineken WTF?
▪ holding holding can't stop harrison
▪ where is polamalu coke ad dammit?
▪ boink troy
▪ troys assignment: take larry outta this game just do it
▪ local upmc ad? local spot?
▪ flag city cripes they can't play without holding
▪ sack ben ouch punt
▪ TROY COKE AD ROFLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL fabulous
▪ theyre still catching passes
▪ EAT CLOCK EAT CLOCK
▪ 9:30 left......
▪ def holding shit
▪ 1st & goal DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
▪ timeout pgh
▪ not in yet, az
▪ td shit we gotta eeeeeat clock
▪ 20-14 sports fans
▪ cerebral gelatinizing hulu!! an evil plot to destroy the world toooo funny Alec Baldwin
▪ gettin testy
▪ 7:25 to goooooo need points
▪ sackeroo ben our o-line bites
▪ pass out to heath not enough
▪ punt to 25 D gotta win it here kids
▪ macgruber pepsi ad stupid even tho I like pepsi over coke
▪ get the ball D
▪ flag taylor bullshit
▪ 5 mins to go
▪ wheres the flag
▪ theres a flag these guys hold like shit
▪ cloooooose troy broke it up
▪ almost picked again
▪ this play major
▪ this is it: INCOMPLETE BABY
▪ punt 2 flags yard and a half penalty sheesh
▪ 3:26
▪ what is going on at the goal line
▪ nerve racking
▪ WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
▪ zebrashit
▪ breathe people
▪ incomplete
▪ NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
▪ i cant type this shit
▪ hard to beat the zebras
▪ 2minwarning
▪ go daddy REALLY SUCKS
▪ 1stdown
▪ 1stdown
▪ jeffreedstoe
▪ 2nd and 6
▪ why a timeout dipshit arians
▪ overthrow santonio
▪ im having a heart attack
▪ SANTONIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
▪ breathe!!!!!
▪ review away you bozos
▪ 27-23
▪ dont let any runbacks boys
▪ :29 they have two timeouts left
▪ damn fast timeout
▪ 15 secs no more timeouts
▪ hail mary time?
▪ warners been taking his helmet off the whole damn game!
▪ FUMBLE!!!!
▪ SIXPACK BABY WELCOME TO SIXBURGH PA!

First Half Live Notes

2009-02-01T20:00:00.012-05:00

I'm not blogging in real-time, but I kept running notes on my cellphone. Here they are, transcribed verbatim:

▪ dont be an assterisk, steroid PSA way kewl eat that bbonds
▪ conan obrien sweden bud lite lol
▪ mrs potatohead loses her lips
▪ too many movie ads and nbc show pimping
▪ grease monkeys inna gadda da vida
▪ go daddy sucks
▪ 10-0 baby
▪ pepsi for men 'i'm good'
▪ too many budweiser horses
▪ star trek prequel kewl
▪ hit the damn qb
▪ how about some o holding?
▪ troy bad miss
▪ finally an o-hold call 10:28 2nd
▪ wheres the backfield hits?
▪ sheeeit pass coverage
▪ leaping td #89
▪ good run fast willie
▪ 68 kemoeatu holding
▪ encroaching haha
▪ buncha nuttin dump to moore
▪ punt fuck, block in the back on 55
▪ need a f'ing turnover
▪ CHOPBLOCK
▪ SACK BABY FINALLY
▪ time out az 2:59
▪ im sick of etrade babies
▪ e james does sweed hands of stone
▪ punt shoulda fair caught
▪ we need score, 3 aint enough lead, they get ball in 2nd half
▪ BOINK FUCK TIP PICK
▪ talking flowers LOL
▪ 2mins left eat it up
▪ lousy tackle ike
▪ fitzgerald aint getting hit soon enough
▪ where the fuck is f'ing troy?
▪ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pick6baby!!!!!!!!!! silverback def POY
▪ longest play in SB hist he's so gassed
▪ HALFTIME STILLERS 17 DEADRED 7

Halftime show commentary (the music is ongoing as I type this): I saw Springsteen do these songs in NINETEEN EIGHTY ONE. I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR THEM ANYMORE.

Public Service Announcement

2009-02-01T08:01:00.001-05:00

Here At Last, Here At Last

2009-02-01T07:58:00.011-05:00

Thank God Almighty, Today's Here At Last

Upper Deck Seating

2009-01-31T09:35:00.013-05:00

At his closest, International Space Station Commander and Emsworth native Colonel Mike Fincke will be only 240 miles away from Tampa. But that's 240 miles UP. Check out his playoff shout-out to Steeler Nation, which he sends from Steeler Planetary Orbit.

My Super Bowl Manicure

2009-01-31T08:55:00.007-05:00

I don't do silk wraps or acrylics or any of that high-maintenance stuff. Fingernails clicking on computer keyboards are way more annoying than fingernails scraping on blackboards. But I did spring for some custom artwork yesterday.

If I had been going to Raymond James Stadium tomorrow night, I'd have had little red Cardinal heads, with tiny Xs for the eyes, painted on my middle fingers. Go down there and flip some birds, while my team was Flipping Some Birds. Why be polite about it?